Rapture
by Spring's Rose
Summary: When an accident lands Quistis in a coma, she finds herself in a dream world all her own. One she might not be willing to leave. But it's only a dream... right? Quall.
1. Rapture

They were kissing. Again. She sighed, and took another sip of red wine. They looked so happy, in love. And here she was. Single, alone and slightly tipsy.

Quistis Trepe was not having a good day, evening or night. Or year, for that matter. Everyone else on the other hand, rest assured, was. Two years later and she was still alone. Not through lack of trying though. Men had came and gone. She had even been engaged at one point, but then had learned her 'significant other' wasn't so significant and had been cheating on her. And so here she was, still moping after Squall.

Yes, she had told herself repeatedly to get over him. It was sisterly love, and that was all. She had even tried blind dates, and eventually had given up; convinced herself maybe love just wasn't for her. She'd be bitter, grow old and live with twenty some cats.

But first, go home get some sleep and get rid of the awful headache she had. The blonde groaned, the red wine evidently hadn't been one of her brighter ideas. She felt nauseous, tired, upset and definitely sick of seeing all of the happy couples.

"Hey, going home so soon?" An arm was slung over her shoulder. "The party just started."

She sighed, trying to figure out where the empty wine glasses were supposed to go back to. "Not now, Irvine." She said, slightly annoyed, quickly removing his hand as she spotted the glass table. A twinge of guilt struck her for blowing him off so abruptly as he was only trying to be friendly. Last time he had tried to put his arm around her Selphie had been there with the video camera and things had gotten ugly. Irvine had spotted a black eye that night courtesy of Selphie.

She quickly found the exit and left hoping no one else saw her leave. She never had been a big fan of parties and the fact that she had a headache wasn't helping any. The hallways were fairly dark, she assumed most of the light energy was being used at the party as it was flashier this year than the last.

Urgh. The wine was definitely getting to her now. Too much wine in such a little amount of time. Too much wine, period now that she thought about it. She brought a hand to the wall, they really should have had restrictions about how many glasses were given out to one individual. She shook her head, and steadied herself out.

Get to your dorm and sleep it off. That was what was going through her head at the moment. So determined she made her way to her dorm. The music was still audible, just muffled by the many walls separating the ballroom from the dorm areas. She proceeded to fumble around with her key card trying to get it through the slot properly. Finally it gave in a beeped and she stumbled into her room, finding her way to the cluttered sink.

The blonde groaned. Dishes. Yesterday she had told herself she was going to do them tonight forgetting all about the party. It wasn't a bright idea to do dishes while intoxicated, but that wouldn't occur to her until later. She sighed and filled the sink with hot water, blearily looking around for the soap before finally finding it hidden under a dishcloth. The sink eventually filled with water and she lazily started on the dishes. Still somewhat tipsy.

She was half asleep, half drunk and yet fully depressed. Twenty years old, and what had she accomplished? She wasn't married, hadn't gotten her license back, and was still moping after the same guy she had for about five years now. How pathetic was that? She only barely heard knocking on her door, she ignored in. She wanted to finish the dishes and go to sleep, whoever wanted to talk to her could talk to her in the morning, and if was that important, they could page her on the P.A.

For as long as the knocking had continued, she had ignored it by making sure the dishes were clean and dried and properly. Finally, the knocking stopped and she was content to finish the dishes in silence. Normally, she would have opened her door and talked to whomever was there; but she wasn't feeling like a social butterfly at the moment. And finally, when she thought the knocking had stopped, she heard the sound of the door knob turning, then the door opening.

"Quistis."

She dropped the dish she had been holding, and it shattered on impact. The blonde closed her eyes and sighed before kneeling down to gather the pieces. "What are you doing here, Squall?" She asked quietly.

"Irvine said you looked sick and you left early."

Traitor, she thought dryly. She retrieved the dust pan her closet and again attempted to collect the rest of the pieces. "I'm fine, really. Shouldn't you be back at the party with Rinoa-" She wined as she cut herself on the piece she had been trying to get into the dust pan.

He didn't seem to notice the fact that she was bleeding, instead he sighed. "No. She said I should come check on you."

Figures, that would be the only reason he would ever come check on her. "Well, you've seen me and I'm fine. I'd imagine Rinoa is waiting for you, so you should probably get going. You wouldn't want to keep her waiting." She told him, grabbing the dishcloth and wrapping it around her hand, trying to stop the bleeding without him noticing.

"Don't give me that." He said coldly.

"Squall, I'm fine, alright? I'm just tired and I have a headache. Now please leave, I'd like to go to sleep." The blonde said, starting to get annoyed.

"I'm not talking about just today. Ever since your engagement got called off-"

"Squall, please just leaveI'm fine._" _She grit out. "Just go back to the party-"

"Dammit, Quistis!" He yelled, "Stop acting like everything is fine!"

Clutching the cloth, she got up and walked over to her balcony. "Leave, Squall." She said coldly. He didn't budge. "Leave." She repeated, opening the glass doors and stepping out. It's not like he really cared anyways, she told herself.

He followed her out. "You're never around anymore, you're always cooped up in your room. You hardly even talk anymore. Everyone's worried."

"So that's why you're here." She said bitterly. "Because everyone _else _was worried. I should have known."

He sighed, brushing his hair back. Okay, fine. He deserved that. The blonde sighed, turning over the bloodied dish cloth and again pressing it to her wound.

"You're bleeding." He said quietly.

"Really, Squall? I hadn't noticed." She snapped, instantly regretting. "I'm sorry, that was the alcohol talking." She admitted slowly, bringing her hand to her head. The headache was getting worse, and arguing wasn't making it any better.

"Show me your hand." He said quietly.

"It's nothing, it's just a small cut. I'll be fine."

"It's not fine." Squall told her angrily.

She ignored the last comment, and looked at her hand. It had finally stopped bleeding, she sighed in relief before turning to him. "Do you even care? Or are you just here because Rinoa told you to come!" She wasn't sure if that was the alcohol or her talking that time.

It occurred to him that he probably deserved that one too, even though it hurt to hear it. "There would be set backs with out you, you're a good soldier." Shit. Almost immediately he wanted to take the words back.

"I see." She said, barely audible. Maybe he hadn't changed after all, maybe he still was the person that had told her to talk to the wall two years ago.

Yet again, he had seemed to get himself into an awkward position with her. "I didn't mean it that way."

"Never mind, it doesn't matter." The blonde whispered. It probably would have been a good idea to put some sort of bandage around her arm, but it never quite registered. She faintly heard the band strike up. "You should be getting back… Rinoa will want to dance with you." That last part was some what a lie in itself. It was fairly common knowledge that the two were on the rocks; but everyone just assumed it was just because Squall was nervous about proposing and commitment, and after the whole proposing thing was over they would continue on being the fairy tale couple.

"So that's what it's about. Rinoa and I."

He finally figured it out, and yet she continued to deny it. She shook her head, then deciding it wasn't a good idea as it only contributed to her headache. "I don't like parties, you know that. I wasn't feeling well and I left early. End of story."

What she was telling him was bull, and they both knew it. "Stop lying." She was testing his temper, and soon she was going to get his wrath.

She shook her head stubbornly, "I'm not."

He grabbed her arm, pulling her closer to face him. "What are you so afraid of that you can't tell me?"

Her stomach felt uneasy, and her headache was getting worse. The blonde sighed, it was now or never. Any and all intelligent thoughts she had left just flew out the window.

She kissed him before pulling back quickly. "That." She whispered, she paused before deciding to go all out. "I love you."

Squall stared. This was not happening. She had just had too much to drink, it was the alcohol talking, he told himself. Her eyes said other wise. "I'm sorry, Quistis." He looked away. It had to be done, she had to know, after all. "…I don't love you." He tried to break it to her as gently as possible, and it still sounded brutal.

She took one look and at him and closed her eyes painfully. "I know. Forget… Forget I said anything."

He had never seen her look so hurt, tired... So unstable. She gave him a weak smile, "It's getting late, Squall. Rinoa will be worried if you don't come back soon."

He nodded, walking past her and over to the door, before taking one last look at her. "…Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Squall." She whispered, the door shut slowly and she took a shaky breath. The blonde sighed and looked up at the sky. There were always stars. So many damn stars. And stars reminded her of Squall and Rinoa. And what she had lost.

She had expected rejection, but she didn't know it would hurt so much. She tore her eyes away from the stars, and downwards to the ground. A good fifteen feet, she estimated before she closed her eyes and leaned against the rails.

She was the odd one out. Selphie and Irvine were married, Zell and his library girl were dating, Seifer and Fuujin had eloped and Squall was perfectly happy with Rinoa. Which left her alone. Always alone.

Cid had kept her as SeeD and she was stuck with her fan group whenever she was sent on a mission as she was a good 'role model' as Cid had put it. And whenever she wasn't on missions, she was either trying to hunt down one of the 'gang' who always seemed busy, or was in her room wondering where it all went wrong.

Sometimes she wondered if there was even a point to being at the garden, if maybe she could start over somewhere new and start a new life. But whenever it came to that, she never knew where to start. Where to live, what to do.. How to say goodbye.

Maybe goodbye weren't always necessary though… if you have nothing to say goodbye too.

Squall was about halfway down the hallway when he came to a stop. Something was wrong. He turned around quickly and began to sprint down the hallway until he reached her dorm. The hallway was quiet except for the faint melodies of the ball room. "Quistis?" No answer. He knocked on the door. "Quistis!" He pounded on the door, there was still no response. "Shit." He fumbled around with his key cards until he finally found hers and hastily opened the door.

The kitchen was empty, the dishes tidied and put away. "Quistis?" Maybe she was asleep, he shook his head. He was probably being an idiot, being paranoid but he checked the bathroom and then her bedroom. It was like she had moved and erased any trace of herself but the melody continued to play.

The balcony. It was only the place he hadn't checked, and he felt himself beginning to feel sick. "Hyne, don't tell me she did anything stupid." He whispered, before running over and flinging the doors open.

She was leaning back on the railing when he saw her. He quickly grabbed her arm, afraid she would do something they all would regret. "What the hell are you doing!" He barked.

The blonde looked up at him, "Let go." She said quietly.

"No." She was drunk, depressed and unstable. Like hell he would let go.

"You can't save everyone, Squall." She told him, quietly.

He looked down at her in disbelief. "What are you talking about…?"

"Let me go." That time, he understood what she really meant. She pushed against him, trying to get free. He stared at her in shock. Just because he had told her that he didn't love her… she would… she'd really do it? Finally, she forced him off of her.

"Don't you dare…" He reached out for her, but he was too late. She was already gone. She had been out of reach long ago. "Quistis!"

And it was as she was falling, he recognized what song he had been listening to.

__

"….Darling, so there you are… with that look on your face, as if you're never hurt… as if you're never down…"

o o o

She awoke slowly, feeling tired and lazy. Not wanting to awake so early, she instead closed her eyes and cuddled into the warmth next to her. She only vaguely felt an arm wrap around her waist, and breath on her neck followed by butterfly kisses. She let out a quiet moan, and heard a chuckle.

"Good morning." Slowly, she opened her eyes, and nearly did a double take. Squall kissed her neck once more, and let his hand move from her waist to hers. She felt a ring pressed against her hand, her eyes widened slightly. She bolted up an looked around, this room definitely wasn't hers.

"What's wrong?" He asked quietly, getting up and pulling her onto his lap. Her breathing quickened, and she felt panicked. She was supposed to be dead. Unless this was heaven, or she had apparently miraculously recovered from her fall and everyone was playing a practical joke to teach her a lesson. Fine, she'd go alone with it for now.

"N-nothing. Good morning." She said quietly, taking a good look at him. Her eyes widened, he didn't have a scar, a black jacket, black pants… no gun blade, either. Just a plain gray shirt and black boxers, she vaguely felt her face get hot. Did she mention he had a wedding ring? She quickly looked down at her hand.

Oh Hyne. She had one, too. They were …married? What was going on here! Maybe she was still drunk and hallucinating? No, no, no. She was going back to sleep, and was going to wake up in her own room… or the infirmary, but her own bed was much preferred. It was settled, she was going to back bed. Just as she attempted to get off his lap, the door flew open and blur of black jumped onto her lap.

She momentarily got the wind knocked out of her. A little girl looked up at her, she assumed around the age of four or five. "Morwing mommy, daddy!" The girl hugged her, and Squall smiled and stroked her hair.

"What have we told you about knocking and jumping?" He asked, gently.

The girl pouted. "To knock before coming in and not to jwump on mommy or daddy…" He nodded.

"Did you sleep well, Raine?"

"Yup!"

He smiled, ruffling her hair. "That's my girl."

"What's wrong, mommy?" She asked, tugging on her mother's pajamas.

"Huh? Oh, nothing sweetie." Quistis said, trying to stay in whatever character they were expecting her to be.

She looked around again. Where was she…?

o o o

"She's in a coma." The doctor told him. "She's in a critical situation. She had two broken ribs, a fractured arm and wrist, and a broken leg not to mention a nasty gash on her left hand. It's extremely lucky that the shards of her ribs didn't puncture her lungs."

"...Is she going to live?" Squall asked quietly, brushing his bangs out of his eyes.

The doctor sighed. "It's not a question of whether she will live or not, it's whether she'll wake up or not."

Let's see. I actually don't think Quistis would be one to commit suicide, but we had to get an accident there in somewhere. Falling down elevators shafts is already taken. Lol. So anyways, I'm not too sure about this story. I have a feeling it isn't going to go over too well or do a belly flop. If you hate, it'll be gone in two seconds; so I guess I have nothing to lose, right? Forget Me Not is not dead, it's just... resting; so expect a chapter up before the month is over. Oh, and please don't flame. I'm sensitive. And that's all for author notes. 


	2. Existence

"Mommy?" She was now up and looking around her own house like a lunatic. The blonde looked down at the girl, and smiled feeling oddly proud. Dark brown hair and blue eyes, yes, their daughter would be a heart breaker when she grew up; but right now she was starting to figure out where the hell she was.

"Yes?"

The girl raised her arms and the blonde looked at her oddly for a moment. "You want... up?" She asked, slightly confused. The girl nodded, and she knelt down and picked the girl up. She shifted the weight between her arms and continued to look around. No SeeD certificates, no weapons, no reports strewn around. Instead, a wedding certificate, various crayon drawn pictures from her daughter, and framed pictures. She walked over examining them, no pictures of the orphanage gang, Cid, Edea, the garden.. Nothing.

She stopped at a picture of a blonde couple in their late forties, she squinted at the small print. Mr. And Mrs. Trepe. She barely suppressed a gasp, she had parents here? But they were supposed to be dead, she looked at the picture next to it. Mr. And Mrs. Loire, it was picture of Laguna and Raine, but Raine… she was supposed to be dead, too…

"You look so surprised." A voice said from behind her, she jumped, nearly dropping Raine.

"No, I'm just… remembering." She said quietly, tracing the pictures. "When you proposed." She stopped, that had never even happened… so how could she have remembered it?

He smiled. "Raine, shouldn't you be getting ready for school? We can't be late."

The girl nodded. "I am! See? I got ready all by myswelf!"

Squall chuckled. "You've got your shoes on the wrong feet."

"Oh." She said disappointed. He knelt down and helped her get them on properly before taking his daughter out of his wife's hands and setting her down on the floor. He checked his watch, and then proceeded to get their lunches out of the fridge.

"We should get going now, okay?" He told his daughter. She nodded, and the blonde knelt down so the girl could hug her.

"Love you mommy!"

"Love you too." She whispered, releasing her daughter from the hug, then standing up again.

Squall walked over to her, "Love you, mommy." He teased earning a smile although she still not knowing what was going on. He put an hand on her waist and pulled her towards him, capturing her lips with his own.

"Ewww!" Raine squealed, covering her eyes.

He pulled away with a laugh. "I hope you'll think that way when you're older, too." He kissed his wife on the forehead, "I'll see you later. Come on, Raine." The brunette waved and opened the door for his daughter.

"Squall?" She called, turned at her curiously. "I love you too." He smiled and shut the door. She collapsed on the nearest chair. What was going on? Suddenly she was married with Squall, had a child, had parents. She bolted up. Work. Did she work? She got up and looked around, the only phone numbers she saw where for preschool and for Squall's workplace. So... she was a stay at home mom? For some reason, that wasn't much of a disappointment.

She looked around the house more. A typical family sized house, a white picket fence, a nice frame set of wedding pictures. This was perfect, and yet she couldn't help but feel like it was a dream and she was going to wake up any second because it was so good. But… everyone else, where were they? Matron, Cid, Selphie, Irvine, Zell, Rinoa? If this was an alternate world, were they here to?

Pictures didn't lie, this obviously wasn't some prank that had been pulled. But evidently, this wasn't her world, either. She wasn't married, didn't have a daughter, wasn't living in a house… and Squall obviously wasn't in love with her. She sighed, walking back to the bedroom. It was just a dream, or at least that was what she reassured herself it was. She'd go to sleep, and she'd wake up in her own... world. Or room. Either or.

She crawled back into her bed and threw the covers over herself, staring up at the ceiling. …What if it wasn't a dream..? She rolled over, closing her eyes. No, it definitely was… wasn't it?

o o o

"She looks so pale…" Rinoa said quietly, looking at the blonde.

Squall nodded slowly. "Yeah." The girl said nothing but reached for his hand, and squeezed it gently.

The room went quiet once again. "Cid said that he'd bring Selphie back from her mission, and that'd contact Ellone… just in case."

"I know." He said quietly.

"How... How'd she fall?"

He froze for a moment. "We think she… drank too much, tripped or something."

"It was lucky you found her then." Her words felt like a blow to the stomach and he almost forgot to breathe for a moment there. He had neglected to tell them he had been there when she had fallen, it was easier to explain that she had jumped and why.

"Um… Squall?"

"Yeah?"

Rinoa fidgeted for a moment. "Do you think… she'll wake up?"

"I don't know. She's broken a lot of bones. " He said truthfully, before looking at his watch. "It's late, Rin. You should go to bed."

"But-"

"Please." The brunette said quietly.

"Okay." She whispered. "G-Goodnight, Squall." She kissed him on the cheek before leaving.

The door shut and he looked at the unconscious blonde. "You're an idiot, Quistis." He told her. "You're naïve, weak, you care too much…" He sighed, burying his head in his hands. "How could you leave us like that…? How could you leave me like this? What am I supposed to do now? Who's going to correct me and yell at me?"

Outside, Rinoa slumped against the door. "Squall…"

o o o

Her theory hadn't worked at all, what so ever. She was still in the same bed, in the same room, in the same world. And still mostly asleep.

"Is mommy not feewing well?"

"I don't think so." She head him say quietly. "Why don't you go Sel-"

Selphie? She thought, trying to focus her thoughts. Was Selphie here, too?

"-ina's, and see if Maggie's there, okay?" The girl nodded.

"Mkay!"

She heard the sound of the door shutting and footsteps as he walked over to the window watching to make sure their daughter got next door alright before sitting down next to her. "Quistis? Are you awake?" He asked quietly.

The blonde nodded, slowly. She felt his hand on her forehead. "You've got a fever. Why didn't you say anything before?"

"I just thought I was tired." She whispered, stupidly.

"Do you want anything? Water?" He asked.

She shook her head. "Just stay here with me." And if it was anyone else, she would have scolded them for trusting someone so easily. The bed shifted and she felt him lay down beside her. "Squall?"

"Yeah?" He asked, wrapping his arms around her.

"Have you ever thought about wearing black pants, leather jackets or lots of belts?"

"Do you _want_ me to?" Squal teased, almost seductively.

Her face went a nice shade of red. "N-no. I was just wondering." Eviently, this wasn't the Squall from her world. "And you've never met anyone named Rinoa…?"

He shook his head. "Or Selphie? Irvine, Zell, Seifer, Cid… Matron?" He shook his head again.

"No. Should I know them?"

She ignored his question. "Anything about Gardens?"

"Gardens?" He asked, confused. "You mean with dirt and plants?"

"Or Guardian Forces… Gfs?"

"Guardian Forces? What are you talking about, Quistis?"

"N-Nothing… never mind." She whispered. "It must just be the fever that's talking."

"You're sure?"

She nodded, closing her eyes. "And you've never head about anything called a Gunblade?"

"Never."

The blonde looked up at him and then at her wedding ring. "Maybe it was all just a dream then."

"It must have been an adventurous dream."

She smiled at him. "It was."

"Was I the hero?" He asked, teasingly. Yes, definitely not her Squall. Her Squall never flirted.

"You were the knight."

"But did I save the damsel in distress?" She felt his hot breath on her neck, and she shivered

Damsel in distress? _Rinoa…? _ Or herself?

__

"You can't save everyone, Squall."

"No." She whispered, going pale.

"Then I suppose there was never the happily ever after?"

"No, there was." She murmured, rolling over to face him.

"Really?" He asked, disbelievingly.

"Very much so." The blonde whispered, as her husband leaned down to kiss her.

She didn't know where she was, but maybe this was her real home. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his neck, feeling him pull her close before finally parting. The blonde let out a moan of protest without even releasing it, and he laughed. "Get some sleep."

He kissed her on the forehead before leaving, and shutting the door quietly. She sighed quietly, rolling over and looking at the dresser next to the bed. The door was slightly open, hesitantly, she opened it fully and looked inside.

A leather bound book stared back at her. A diary? She reached inside and opened it, skimming through a few pages. Her diary, apparently. And the Garden, orphanage, SeeD and everything she had ever known weren't apart of it. Here, she had parents she had grown up with, gone to normal schools, met her husband in high school and got married at the age of nineteen, had Raine when she was twenty, and was now twenty five.

So why, even with the diary did she feel like she wasn't supposed to be here?

o o o

He woke her up when he wearily opened the door, nearly stumbling over his own feet. "Rinoa..? What are you doing here? It's-"

"-4 am in the morning, Squall." She finished for him, rubbing her eyes. The raven haired girl got up sleepily and shook her head, looking at his hand. "You've been doing paper work? You should be in bed."

He sighed. "I had some reports to finish. Why aren't you in your own dorm?"

She fiddled with her hair for a moment. "I… came to talk, but I didn't think you'd be so late. I guess I ended up falling asleep instead. …Sorry."

"It's fine. Don't apologize." He said, shrugging off his jacket and crawling into bed.

"Squall….?" She asked timidly, moving towards him.

"Yeah?"

"You know it was our second anniversary today, right?" She whispered.

He swallowed hard. "Yeah. I.. I know."

"O-okay. Happy anniversary, Squall."

Silence.

"…I love you, you know, Squall."

__

"I'm sorry. I don't love you, Quistis."

"I know."

Rinoa sighed. "It's been two years, Squall… and you still haven't told me you love me. I-I can wait.. But…. I'd like to hear it, you know?"

"I know… but… I can't say it right now."

She nodded slowly. "That's okay, Squall. I'll wait."

"….Happy anniversary, Rinoa."

o o o

"Goodnight, mommy." Raine said sleepily.

She knelt down and kissed her daughter's forehead. "Goodnight, sweetie." The blonde tucked the little girl in and flicked off the light before leaving the room. Her fever was gone completely although it took a four days to get over it.

Squall sighed, stacking up the paper work and putting it in his brief case. He was principal, she had eventually figured out. For some reason, that fact hadn't surprised her. She walked over to him sat beside him. "Done?"

He nodded with a smile. "Are you going to ask me any more weird questions today?"

"No. I don't even know what made me ask them in the first place. I think it was just the fever." She leaned her head against his shoulder. "You never told me how your day was."

"It was alright. I met the new principal of the high school next to us. His name's Cid-"

"Kramer?" She asked, sitting up wide-eyed.

"No, Goldstein. Cid Goldstein. Where did you get Kramer from?"

The blonde sighed. "I'm not sure, actually. I seem to be coming up with a lot of names lately."

"I agree. Did you maybe hit your head on something?" He asked, concerned.

"I don't think so…"

The brunette stifled a yawn, and she smiled. "You should go to bed early."

He nodded, getting up and giving her quick kiss. "Are you going to join me?" He asked in a voice she definitely didn't want her daughter over-hearing, or anyone else for that matter.

"Raine's in the other room!" She scolded.

He laughed. "I was joking." Her kissed her on the cheek before leaving.

The blonde smiled to herself. Cid Kramer. The name popped into her head and the smile vanished, she walked over to the phone book and looked him up. She searched for a good hour and found nothing.

Cid Kramer didn't exist.

Okay, I know you're all sitting here thinking "What the hell is going on?", everything will be explained later on. Because there's more than a few catches to this dream she's having. And that's all I'm saying for now. Be proud of me, I updated in less than a week. 


	3. Regret

"There doesn't seem to be any signs of brain damage. It's almost impossible that she didn't break her neck or fracture her spinal cord. She's quite lucky." The doctor said going over the records.

"Yeah." Squall agreed, sitting on the stool in the small room.

"But there's something nagging me about the way she fell."

He froze. "What about it?"

"First of all, the way she fell. Even if she was completely drunk, don't you think sometime during the fall she would have out her hands up at in at least an attempt to break the fall?"

"But if she passed out…"

"I doubt it. The alcohol in her blood level…it wasn't enough to fully impair her judgment or make her pass out. She wouldn't have even had a hangover." The doctor said, eyeing him.

"What's your point?" Squall asked coolly.

"I think she jumped, I think she was trying to commit suicide."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I think you were there when it happened."

o o o

Somewhere in between the when she had been sick with fever and had been looking up random names in the phone book of people she didn't know (and apparently not exist) she had resumed the role of being a mother and a wife. Thoughts of who Cid Kramer was left, and thoughts of cleaning, dinner and mothering took priority. Gardens, Gunblades and orphanages hung on for a longer before they too, eventually disappeared.

She began to remember neighbors, her parents, high school… the life she had never gotten. It all felt new for some reason, being a mother and all that. But it wasn't true… she had lived here all her life, hadn't she? She sighed, looking down at the salad she was making. Something just didn't feel right. Like this was a puzzle and huge chunk of it was missing. Or when you leave home and you feel like you've forgotten something, but for the life of you, you just can't remember what it was. Yet, there were faces she'd vaguely remember, but not know who they belonged to.

And somewhere, deep down she knew she couldn't blame everything on the fever. But she couldn't go on believing there was somewhere else she was supposed to be when she had a family and home here. And she wasn't going to leave it just for some faint idea of people and places that didn't exist.

She sighed, the tomatoes weren't going to get cut on their own. Picking up the knife, she continued to dice them until she was satisfied with the amount, and then walked over the calendar. Meetings, doctor appointments and birthdays cluttered it, and she traced her finger down the paper to a specific Tuesday. Their anniversary, she was one of the luckier women. Her husband had yet to forget it, she knew her one neighbor's husband was never home half of the time, and never, ever there for their anniversary. Their last one had pretty much been cancelled when Raine had caught pneumonia.

A knock on the door made her nearly jump a foot in the air, but she merely brushed it off and opened the door. A woman stood in the door frame, grinning. "Howdy."

"Hello." She blurted out, stupidly. What was her name again? Serena? … Sel… "Selphie?"

The woman raised an eyebrow. "You been eating too much Tylenol or something?"

The blonde shook her head, frustrated. How are you supposed to ask someone that apparently knows you who the hell they are?

Luckily, the person noticed her blank look. "Yeah, uh. Squall said you were kinda off lately. I'm Selina. Ring any bells?" Again, she shook her head. "Maybe you guys were at it too rough or something. Bump your head, maybe?"

Despite being utterly confused, the last comment managed to register and she found herself looking at the ceiling which was apparently very captivating. "I'm sorry. I just had the fever, I think I'm still recovering." Which was an extremely large lie, as she had had her fever a good one or two weeks ago.

Tsk. Liar, liar. "Okaay, then. Should I come back later then?" The woman asked, still leaning against the door frame.

"No, it's fine. Please come in." Quistis said, opening the door as the other woman walked in and flopped down on the nearest chair.

Selina grinned to herself, leaning back with her hands on her head. "Ahem." She dropped the comic look and put on a sober one. "Anyways, I'm married to-"

"Irvine?" The blonde supplied, confused.

"Steve?" The other woman asked, equally as confused. "I really think you bumped your head there, you know. Anyways, so we have a little girl named Maggie; and we're right next to you guys."

She nodded, still confused. Who was Irvine, or Selphie for that matter?

Selina put on her comic look again. "Enough serious talk, how's Squally-boy?"

"Fine, I suppose. He's on his second term as Principal. How about Steve?"

"Oh, he's a rascal all right. You shoulda seen him, you know he's a mechanic and all; well he was fixing this guy's break system and everything when…."

She found herself zoning out for a moment. "… and here's the kicker! It wasn't a broken valve - it was a sandwich he had left in there! It was really gross… moldy and everything. Oh well. He didn't charge us, so that was good. Oh, look at the time! Jeez, I'd better get goin'. See ya later, alright?"

Selina ended up letting herself out, and she was still trying to figure out who Selphie and Irvine were when the door opened, and she heard two sets of footsteps enter the house. She found herself smiling as she stood up and got hugged from behind. "And how was your day, Mrs. Leonheart?"

o o o

It wasn't that that the paper work was endless, it was that his guilt was. His days consisted of visits to the infirmary and being in his office. Rinoa visited both areas and daily, trying to cheer him up along with Selphie; bringing him food, saying that he was stick thin. Which in part, was probably true. He had been dropping pounds fairly quickly, skipping both breakfast, lunch and sometimes and dinner probably contributed to it. Even the doctor in the infirmary had scolded him, and the fact that he had at least half the school board on his back for small pesky things didn't help any. If his stomach wasn't eating away at him, his guilt sure as hell was.

It had been about two weeks now since the incident, and the endless questions of how she had fallen, and how he had found her were everywhere. Rumors were flying around, left, right and center ranging from him and Quistis were having an affair and he had called off so she had jumped or one of the Trepies had been rejected and had been seeking revenge to Rinoa scheming and had pushed her off. Frankly, he thought all of them were bullshit.

His relationship with Rinoa wasn't getting any better either, the most they got to physical contact now days was brushing elbows and even then it was barely. She would tell him she loved him and in return, he would tell her calmly that he cared for her. And the hurt look on her face would kill and he would leave again for the infirmary, in his own private solitude.

Not that being in the infirmary would help any either. He would see her there, pale with an IV attached to her, knowing her was the one who did it. Squall sighed, the paper work had been done a good three times over; and he was tired. He was going home.

But did it still exist without her? He pushed the nagging thought away. Sure it was. Home was were the heart was, or so people said. Home was where Rinoa was. Where he was loved, loved in return, had friends and comrades. But she loved him, she was friend, a comrade too though, wasn't she?

He sighed, combing his fingers through his hair, and getting up. He wasn't going through this, not now. As he was leaving, he noticed a figure by his door. "Rinoa." He called quietly, "I know you're there."

"Hi." She said quietly, kicking the floor absent-mindedly, she looked up to him, chewing on her lip. "Um… Selphie and Zell want to know if you're gonna go to the training center with them."

__

"Go talk to the wall…"

"No." He said, turning on his heel. "Maybe some other time." He added, quietly.

Rinoa sighed. "You're never around anymore, Squall."

__

"You're always cooped up in your room. You hardly talk anymore…."

"Everyone's really worried." She finished. "You're not even eating anymore. I know you're worried but… this is your health, Squall. We can't have our commander dying on us, right?" She joked, with a small smile.

It sounded like something she would have said.

Rinoa's smile vanished. "At least have dinner with me, Squall? Please?" She whispered, taking his hand. "Just half an hour, that's all I'm asking, kay?"

He swallowed. "Yeah. Alright." He let her lead him down to the cafeteria, and once they got there, the place went silent. Cutlery dropped, people stopped talking and stared, even the cafeteria ladies stopped making food.

Squall looked the other way, and slowly the talking stared up again, though he was sure it was all rumors.

"I'm gonna go order." Rinoa said quietly. "What do you want?"

"Uh.. Whatever's there." Squall muttered, finding a seat close to the window.

"Um, okay. Be back soon, alright?" He nodded, and she walked away, her fingers firmly clasped around her rings; just like she had at the dance.

He winced. It seemed everything reminded him of her, now days. He vaguely spotted Selphie and Irvine seated from across the cafeteria. She had come back from Trabia yesterday, and definitely wasn't her usual self. She was low key, quiet and sad, Quistis was probably her best friend, and she was some what grieving. Even Irvine hadn't been able to cheer her up, although he had been able to get her to crack a smile, that was about it. Irvine, for once, wasn't doing his lady-charmer act and was pretty much hell bent on getting Selphie to cheer up without having to face the obvious facts.

He barely heard Rinoa coming back, with clicking heels and set the food tray down in front of him. Fish and a salad or something along those lines. "The line was almost empty." She said quietly, he nodded. He picked up his fork and began absent-mindedly began picking olives out of his salad. He hated olives.

Rinoa let out a small giggle at his antics, and began helping too until they were piled up on the side of his plate; and out of the corner of his eye, he saw the cafeteria ladies shaking their heads in disapproval. "I saw Xu the other day… she wasn't looking very good. Maybe you should, you know, give her a leave of absence or something?"

"Yeah." He was actually agreeing whole heartedly, he had given up trying to eat after a few mouthfuls of salad and then about half a fish fillet. It was an awkward silence as they finished the meal.

Rinoa sighed, looking at her watch. "I'd better go. I promised Selphie I'd watch a movie with her, 'cause she's pretty sad." She got up and kissed his cheek. "Can I meet you later… like eight or something in the quad?"

He nodded. "Say hello to Selphie for me." He watched her walk away before himself too, leaving.

o o o

She found herself in some an empty classroom. But not with books, weirdly shaped desks, and panels that looked like they belonged to a flat screen TV.

The blonde was looking around, inspecting the desks and the window when she heard the doors whoosh open. Then, she was surrounded by people she had never seen in her entire life. A girl with flipped hair that most likely defied gravity grinned at her. "Heeey! Where ya been? We were looking for you!"

She found herself staring back blankly, and just when she had been ready to reply more people came in. A blonde with a tattooed face, gave her a thumbs up with a grin plastered on his face. "What's up, Instructor?"

Then, another tall blonde wearing a white trench coat strode in, making rude gestures at the first blonde. Followed by the blonde, was man in a cowboy outfit. "My favourite lady." He said, taking his hat off and doing a sweeping bow to her, only to have the petite girl elbow him. He quickly apologized to her, sheepishly reassuring her _she _was his favourite lady until another woman in a black outfit with brunette hair came in.

An older woman and a man dressed in a green vest were next, the woman approached her silently and opened her arms to her. The blonde backed away, stumbling over the desk behind her. "What's wrong, child?" The woman asked, bending down to her show casing her long, black hair.

She was now pressed up against the desk, surrounded by people she had never seen in her entire life. "Matron, why's she acting so weird?" The girl with the flipped hair asked, tilting her head.

The woman whom she assumed was Matron sighed. "She doesn't know us…."

"What? Why…?" The blonde with tattoo asked, shifting from one foot to another.

"Shut up, chicken wuss. You always ask the dumb questions." The man in the white coat snapped.

"You're one to talk!" The blonde defended, raising his fists.

"Quiet down, everyone!" The brunette in black yelled, everyone went silent and the only sound being heard was the doors whooshing open again. This time, a man in black and a girl in blue walked in; she immediately recognized the man in black.

"Squall!" She called to him, reaching out for him. He turned to her for a moment, narrowing his eyes at her. She stopped in mid step. He had a scar.

He turned away from her, instead leaning over to the girl in blue. Her heart stopped for a moment as once again he looked at her. "I don't love you, Quistis." He said coldly.

__

"I want you hear your voice, Rinoa…"

"Talk to a wall."

"I promise…"

The girl in blue turned to her. "You don't belong here…" She whispered, softly. "This is our world."

"Go away, Quistis. I don't want you. I love Rinoa." Squall said icily, pulling the girl in blue close to him. The girl in blue looked at her, almost sadly mouthing 'goodbye' before wings snapped open from her back and feathers clouded her vision.

She bolted her up from bed, clutching the sheets tightly so her knuckles were white. Squall stirred beside her before sitting up. "What's wrong?" He asked quietly, blinking in order to focus his vision.

"Nothing." She whispered shakily, almost to the point of trembling. "It was just a bad dream."

He said nothing, but pulled her onto his lap. "Want to talk about it?"

She sighed, brushing her hair back. "No… not really." She leant back against him. "It was just very confusing."

Squall sighed, resting his head on his shoulder. "If you say so."

She closed her eyes, running her fingers over her wedding band. "Don't worry about it." She said quietly. "It was just a dream. I know it's not real."

Just a dream… right?

o o o

"Squall. You came… I thought you weren't, you know, gonna come." Rinoa said, fiddling with her hair on the bench.

"I said I would." He said, forcing a smile. She smiles, patting the spot beside her on the bench, he sat down beside her.

"So um…. Selphie looked a bit better today." Rinoa said quietly, folding her hands. She sighed, "Look um, Squall. The real reason I asked you to come here today… well, it's 'cause…" She trailed off, gathering courage. "No one… thinks she's going to pull through. Zell, Selphie, Irvine… they want you to start making funeral arrangements. I'm sorry Squall…"

"No." He said quietly, closing her eyes. "I'm not doing anything until Ellone gets her. She's only in a coma, Rinoa. She's not dead."

Rinoa fidgeted. "What if she never wakes up, Squall? Are you going to keep her there forever…?"

She was right, he couldn't keep her there forever. It wasn't fair to her, and it wasn't fair to them. There wasn't enough room in the infirmary either. He sighed, burying his head in his hands. "Two months. I'll give her two months… and if not… " He couldn't say the rest.

She looked down sadly, taking his hand in her own. "The doctor… he says that even if she does wake up… she could be paralyzed."

He managed to nod… it was all his fault. "Rinoa…"

"Yeah?" She whispered.

"When I said I found her… I lied. The reason… the reason she's in a coma… It's my fault. I put her there. It's my fault she's in a coma."

It went silent.

I'm like _the _meanest person to Quistis. Oh well. And no, Rinoa is not trying to kill Quistis off. It might seem like it but no, she's not. I try not to make Rinoa the big bad bitch.


	4. Remember

"Don't say that, Squall..." Rinoa whispered, trying to calm his guilt. "You couldn't have. The doctor said she jumped-" Her eyes widened and she quickly covered her mouth. She wasn't supposed to have said that. No one was supposed to have known that… imagine what would happen if anyone had found out? She squirmed, cursing herself. This was going to make him feel even worse and it was her fault! "I mean, uh, um… she fell and the doctor got the wrong idea!" That was probably the most pathetic lie she had ever heard and told in her entire life.

"I know, Rin. I was there when it happened." He said quietly, his eyes transfixed on the floor.

She struggled to keep back a gasp. No wonder he felt so horrible about it… She bit her lip, trying to find words to fit this situation. "But it still doesn't make it your fault, Squall. It was her decision…" When the doctor had told her the theory she had come up, she didn't believe at first. It was calm, never rush into anything spontaneous Quistis… she wouldn't jump, would she? But then things started to add up, never seeing her around anymore, the cancelled engagement but she had a feeling it wasn't the party that was the last straw. When she had asked him to check up on her… what exactly had happened…?

He shook his head. "I made her though… She told me she loved me." He clenched his fists, not wanting to see his girl friend's reaction. "I told her I didn't love her… but she drunk and depressed." He swore quietly. "I should have known... but by the time I got there…"

"It was too late?" Rinoa whispered, he nodded. She knew she couldn't understand what he was going through as she had never gone through the same situation. But she definitely knew it wasn't his fault. She slowly reached over and hugged him. "It's okay to cry, you know, Squall…."

And even though he knew, he couldn't shed a tear.

o o o

"I know, mom. Yes, yes. No, she's being good. Well, she likes to read already. Squall's fine too, he's been working hard. No… It's today, not tomorrow. And yes, he remembered. Yes, he got her a present. No, mom, it's alright. I understand. Tell dad I said goodnight. Goodnight, mom. Love you." She clicked off the phone, and sighed.

"Can she make it?" Squall asked, leaning over her shoulder. The blonde shook her head.

"No, she's got an appointment, and dad… well, you know him and driving. So that's both sets of grandparents gone. It looks like it's just going to be the three of us."

He sighed, sitting down next to her. "She going to be a bit disappointed."

"There's nothing we can do about it though. Besides, it makes it easier to cook for six rather than ten." She checked her watch. "I suppose we should wake her up now."

"Yeah." He said quietly, walking over to their daughter's room and opening the door. "It's hard to believe she's five already."

"That's because you weren't pregnant for nine months and in labor for three days." Quistis said dryly, quietly walking in and sitting on the bed. "Wake up, honey." She whispered in her daughter's ear.

The girl mumbled something and rolled over. "Wakes up like you do." Squall muttered under his breath, she shot him a dirty look. "C'mon, wake up Raine." He said, gently.

Eventually, she woke up, blinking before letting out a tiny yawn. Squall smiled. "Happy birthday, Raine."

She smiled, getting up and climbed up onto her mother's lap. "You're getting your present after dinner okay, sweetie?" The blonde told her, the girl pouted for a moment before agreeing and going off to brush her teeth.

"What about my present?" Squall asked, when their daughter left.

She sighed, rolling her eyes with a smile. "You can wait until our anniversary."

o o o

She just about had his schedule down to the tee. Eight in the morning until three in the afternoon, he was in his office. Three until four or five, he was at the infirmary. Whenever he was done in the infirmary, he was in the café for ten or fifteen minutes and then back to his office until three in the morning and then went to bed.

So usually, she met him in his office. Most of the time, he was doing paper work though and it was silent with the exceptions of rustlings of paper and faint scribbling noises. And after that was done, she would walk with him to infirmary, sometimes giving him some private time, and others waiting with him.

She was quieter these days, although still willing to try and crack a joke in an attempt to make him smile. He didn't do that often these days. He was quieter (than usual, mind you; which meant he was practically silent). Occasionally he would willingly sit down and talk, but even then only for a few moments because it seemed like something would _always _interrupt to her dismay. But still, she persisted, because she wouldn't let him go now that she had just found him.

And she was bound determined they would get through this together, she decided as she watched him finish the last of his paper work. "Almost done?" She asked quietly, smoothing down her skirt. It definitely hadn't been rainbows, sunshine and lollipops the last two weeks for her, either. Her and Quistis hadn't hit it off right away, it had been bumpy and uncomfortable for a while there; but it had gotten a lot better. They talked a lot for the first year, there was movie night with the two of them and Selphie and occasional lunch breaks until the blonde had just started to distance herself until the gap was too big to even attempt to mend.

Despite common belief, she had never been out to get the blonde, nor had it been the other way around. But now it didn't seem to matter anyways, if she wouldn't even wake up; and she found herself rather depressed by the fact. Everyone had taken it rather rough, but she somehow found herself with the guilt, but no where close to what he was dealing with. He blamed himself for the whole ordeal, and even when she tried to convince him, over and over again that it wasn't his fault he wouldn't listen. But deep down, they both knew what had happened was probably inevitable. What he had told was probably just the spark to the fuel the flame. Guilt was one thing, denial was another. And there wasn't a chance in hell that she would let him succumb to it.

There was a reason she was a dubbed an angel, you know. And she was intent on keeping her nickname - she _was_ going to get her boyfriend back on track. She knew there was a period for mourning, and she had kept her space while still letting him know she was there for him. She found herself getting deep in thought until the shuffling of papers caught her attention; she looked up curiously. "Done." Squall said quietly, stacking the papers neatly and walking over to her.

She gave him one of her best smiles, and somehow didn't work it's usual magic. Inside, she felt her heart drop a bit, but took his hand like a small child. "What's wrong?" The ex-sorceress asked, staring up at him. Other than constant guilt, that is.

He sighed, rubbing his eyes for a moment. "Nothing. It's just a headache."

Evidently, she didn't believe him for a second, but said nothing of it. "If you say so…" She said, with a small frown, looking at her watch. "Where do you want to go for dinner?"

"I'm not hungry." He murmured, quietly. "Go eat if you want, I need to send a message to Winhill."

She sighed, crossing her arms. "You need to eat, Squall. And I'm not leaving until you do. The message can wait a few minutes, don't you think?" Sometimes she felt more like his mother than his girlfriend. "Am I that repulsive you won't even eat with me?"

"No. It's just that…"

"Just what, Squall? I know you're sad and grieving but you can't stop just because of it!" Rinoa said, angrily.

"Why not? You don't even understand how I feel!" Squall snapped, getting up.

"Don't I? I lost my mother!"

"You were five! You were just a child…"

"And you're an adult! When I was five I didn't know she wasn't coming back! But you do, and you still can't accept the fact that might not come back. I know you're tired of losing people you've cared for because it hurts so much but… you can't it ignore it forever, you know." She took a shaky breath. "And I want to help, I don't want you to hurt! But every time I try to help, you won't let me in! I know I'm not her… but can't you give me a chance?"

"……Rinoa……" He whispered. He was tired of hurting, loosing everyone he cared for. It was just another name to add to the list, another person he had condemned to death… and even though he should have been used to the feeling; whatever had come before would never compare to this.

"Just a little bit at a time, okay? We can start with dinner?" He found himself nodding his mind needed other things to thing about. And dinner would distract it fine. The paper work could wait.

For now.

They avoided the cafeteria for the most part, basically just getting a cadet to get their food and drop it off. Despite common belief, there were some advantages to running a school. Not many, but some. So they ended up just sitting in his room and eating.

"Selphie said that Cid let her take the whole mission off for the time being." Rinoa said, folding up the paper plates and putting them in the trash can. "And Xu's getting a leave of absence…"

He nodded, remembering having to sign those forms. "Yeah."

"…It's not your fault this happened, you know." She whispered. "You were just there at the wrong time."

"If I had been a few seconds earlier… I could have saved her." He said quietly, his guilt flooding his mind. He couldn't save her, it echoed his mind until it was burnt in permanently. Some lion he was. He couldn't even save her from herself.

"But would it have solved the problem completely? What if… what if she jumped again?"

He stood up and walked over to the door, he didn't want to hear all the what ifs.

Rinoa shook her head sadly. "You can't save everyone you know, Squall."

Squall slammed the door angrily and left.

o o o

"Selina said she's pregnant again."

There an awkward silence for a moment. Then a rustle as she moved to face him. The part or lack there of, had gone well; although she had ended up cooking as the reservations had somehow got cancelled last minute. "That's good, I suppose. Does Steve know?"

"Yeah."

More silence. "…You woke me up just to tell me that she's pregnant?" Quistis asked, confused and groggy.

"Not exactly."

"Then…?" She prompted, craning her neck to look at the clock.

"Let's have another child." He said bluntly.

"……. What!" She sputtered after a moment, looking at him like he was crazy.

"We said that we wanted two."

"So soon, though? I'm not sure I'm ready for another one just yet." The blonde sat up, supporting herself on her elbows, somewhat regaining consciousness. "I'm still trying to get my hips back from Raine. But seriously, I know we're fine finically but…" She sighed, trailing off. "What even brought this on?"

Squall rolled over "Cid Goldstein, the man I was talking about a while ago; remember him?" She nodded. "He died yesterday from a heart attack. He didn't have a wife, children, any family. He was only twenty years old." Squall sighed, while she sat there, stunned and somewhat saddened at the same time. "I was thinking about it and I if were to die tomorrow, I don't want any regrets."

She frowned. She didn't like him talking like that, but she could understand his point. However, there was difference between living life to it's fullest and doing things just for the hell of it. "I understand, Squall, but can we at least until November when everything starts to wind down? It's only two months."

"Yeah…" She could tell her was crest fallen. It wasn't that she didn't want more children (by all means she did) but she wasn't going to go rushing into something just because he was having doubts about the future. He placed a kiss on her forehead murmuring goodnight to her before trying to fall asleep. She sighed, rolling over onto her stomach only faintly feeling him stroke her hair.

o o o

The training center was closed due to construction, so it was the perfect time for him collect his thoughts and release his anger.

Duck. Blind. Slash. Parry. Duck. Slash. Cure. Pull the trigger, and slash. Bio. The T-Rexuar made an inhuman noise that just about made the walls shake as poison flooded it's blood stream. It scratched around blindly, dropping to the ground and frantically scrapping dirt into it's wounds with it's small arms in order to stop the burning sensation.

"Talk to the wall." Slash. _"Just shut your big mouth." _Duck. _"Rinoa…" _Blizzard. _"So if you come here…." _Cure. _"You'll find me." _Slash.

Slash. Duck. Blizzard. Cure. Slash.

"I promise." The T-Rexuar collapsed, letting out an eerie noise before it's breathing finally stopped. He let out the breath he was holding and smoothed back his hair. The brunette looked around for more prey and found none. His heart wrenched when he saw the secret area, he took a deep breath before walking over and entering. And maybe if he prayed enough, he could go back in time to when they went their the first time and change it all.

But time doesn't stop, no matter how hard you try. And time doesn't allow us to back track to atone for our petty mistakes. The training center was exactly the same as it had been two years ago. Except without her there. They weren't talking, she wasn't telling him that she had lost her beloved job because of him. No, because she was in coma and he was just feeling the after effects.

"I'm not asking you to talk, just listen." …He hadn't even done that. He sighed, and walked over to the balcony.

He'd do it all again just to listen to her that one time. Not to tell her to talk to the wall, not give her the cold shoulder, maybe even thank her for saving his ass. But he couldn't go back. And he couldn't save her.

She was right in front of him, and if he had reached just a little farther, cared a bit more, if he wasn't such a selfish bastard, she wouldn't be in the bed, hooked up to the IVs and have people estimating how much longer she had to live.

He grit his teeth and kicked the wall. _"Go talk to the wall then." _He kicked the wall again. He hated the goddamn walls. He hated feeling worthless and he hated feeling guilty.

"Dammit!" He yelled, grabbing the lion pendent from his neck, snapping the chain and throwing it in the corridor off into the distance. He wasn't a lion, he wasn't even human. He sighed, resting his forehead on the cool wall, before turning back to go.

o o o

She couldn't sleep, the whole children conversation was getting to her. So she had ended up getting up and looking up around. She knew this place, she had lived her for the past six years... And yet something made the hairs on the back stand up. Something told her this wasn't her home and this wasn't where she belonged. No. That was idiot's talk. This was her home and her family, this was where she belonged.

And nothing could change that. A smile crossed her lips as she picked up one of the pictures lined up across the mantel in the living room. A picture of her and Squall. Her husband. Husband. That word sounded a bit odd for a moment but she ignored it. She glanced at the clock for a moment before looking back at the picture.

Only it wasn't her in the picture anymore.

She had been replaced by a girl in blue. The girl in her dream. No, she shook her head. She wasn't getting enough sleep, pictures can't change by themselves! The blonde closed her eyes and took a deep breath, her imagination was just getting the better of her. But when she opened her eyes the girl in blue was still there.

The picture frame hit the ground with an audible crack.

o o o

The infirmary chair weren't comfortable, that much he knew. Not that she was comfortable in those

white starched sheets and hooked up to all those IVs, either he thought dryly. The doctor always

harassed him lately these days on why he hadn't stopped her from jumping. He had never given an

answer other than the fact that he was too late, and the doctor always shook his head in disbelief.

And he hated himself for it, for those few seconds he had been late; because after all she had done for him… he couldn't save her. He had been the spark to fuel whatever had inspired her to jump. And maybe it was guilt or maybe it was something deep down that had been hidden for the longest time that had made him say it, but he did.

"It'd do it all again to have you here…"

Yeah, I know. Everyone's _still _waiting for the explanations. But why explain when you can make every wait and watch Squall and Rinoa's relationship take a nose-dive, and let Quistis finally get some happiness in life? I've already got the next chapter posted. Get me hyped enough and it will be posted by Monday. Good luck.


	5. Fall

It was four in the morning and he was still awake; doing paperwork none the less. Things with Rinoa... they weren't going smoothly. Not through lack of trying though on her behalf, she had tried to cheer him up and comfort him but nothing seemed to get through. It was like the walls that had been up so long ago had reappeared, but she refused to give up.

"Here again, Squall?" He jerked away from his paper work, nearly nicking himself on the hand.

He let out a sigh before looking up, Rinoa stood at the door with a frown on her face. It was the annoyed yet concerned voice she took on whenever he over stayed at the office. He was getting that a lot lately. Not just from Rinoa, either. Hell, Irvine, Zell and Selphie had spent the good part of the afternoon trying to persuade him to go do something else. He had lied and told them it was extremely important paperwork. They hadn't known any better. They believed him.

"You should be asleep." He said quietly, brushing his bangs out of his eyes. They had gotten longer but then again, three weeks without a trim could do that to a person. He knew for a fact she didn't like him staying up until the wee hours in the morning doing paper work, and he didn't like worrying her but in the end it happened anyways.

She placed her hands on her hips, her eyes brows furrowing before moving over and sitting beside him. "...Do you miss her?" She whispered, resting her head on his shoulder.

He stiffened for a moment before relaxing. "Yeah."

Rinoa chewed her lip for a moment, looking guilty. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

The brunette shook his head. "It's fine." He sighed looking at his watch, he really should be sleeping but he couldn't.

The ex-sorceress fidgeted, uncomfortably for a moment as if debating to talk or not. "Why don't you talk to me anymore…? I feel like you're avoiding me. And I.. I know you feel guilty… but I'm here for you, you know. If you want to talk, I can listen…"

"I know." He said quietly.

"There's a meteor shower tonight, you know." Rinoa said after a moment's pause. "The paper work can wait a few minutes. Please? It'll be really pretty."

He found himself looking between her and the paperwork. He gave in. "Yeah. Let's get out of here."

She gave him a small smile and took his hand and tugged him towards the elevator to the second floor and out the emergency exit. He watched as she leaned against the railings and beckoned him over. A smile crossed her lips as she watched the meteors streak by, before turning back to him. "Do you think we can cheat and call them shooting stars?"

"I think they'll slide by." She grinned, moving closer to him and leaned in for a kiss. He leaned down to return it but just as their lips were about to brush he pulled away. A hurt look crossed her face and she let out small sigh.

"Rinoa…" He didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry. I just… I can't while she's still…" He was tripping over his own words, eventually he gave up.

Her eyes were cast downwards and she only barely acknowledged him. "I-I know…" It sounded like she was having an inner battle with herself, and eventually one side won. "Do care for me?" She blurted out.

A pin dropping could be easily heard in the silence.

"You know I do." He said, looking at her. Had he had been that distant to make his own girlfriend wonder if he even cared about her? Chalk that up the list of people that already think you're a cold heart bastard, Leonheart; he thought darkly.

"I mean… I just…." She stammered for a moment. "I'm sorry." She whispered. "I know you care… it's just that sometimes… sometimes I wonder when you're always in your office."

He sighed. "My paperwork is important, Rinoa."

She looked down for a moment before looking up at him. "More important than your friends… than me? And what about Quistis? You think she wants you to be like this…?" She whispered, quietly.

"So now you know what she wants, too!" Squall snapped. He didn't have to take this. He didn't need to be told what to do, how to act. Least of all by her. "You barely even know what you want, how do you know what she wants?" He said icily.

"I know she loved you!" Rinoa blurted out. "And I know she wouldn't want you to be like this, she wants you to be happy…"

He sighed, calming himself down, before finally speaking. "She wanted a lot of things, Rinoa. But not everyone can have everything."

o o o

She felt a pair of arms snake around her waist, and smiled. "You shouldn't sneak up on people, you know." The blonde said quietly.

"You haven't hit me yet, so I figure I'm safe." His breath lingered on her skin, and his fingers found her the belt loops on her jeans before tracing over to the buttons. She sighed, reaching down and lightly slapped away the offending hands.

"I'm trying to get ready and you're slowing down the process, mister." She told him in mock seriousness.

"What process? You haven't even changed yet, I don't even see your dress out of the closet." Squall said, looking up. "Technically, I'm helping the process."

"Technically." She repeated. "But if you 'help' anymore we're going to miss the reservation." He chuckled and took a step back from her releasing her waist. The blonde walked over to the closet and raided it, finally finding a black cocktail dress and pulling it out. "You're sure Selina doesn't mind watching Raine for the night?"

"Yeah, I told her it was out anniversary, so she was more than happy to. Raine was pretty happy to have another sleep over, so don't worry about her either." He sat down on the be while she undressed and put the dress on. She fixed her hair quickly before turning back to him for approval which was undoubtedly granted.

He walked up to her and kissed her neck before trailing up to her ear lobe. "No worrying. Tonight's about us, and only us."

She gave him a sly grin. "I'm going to hold you to that."

"I expect you to." He whispered, before pulling down for a kiss.

o o o

When he went back to the infirmary the next day, he wasn't the only person there. The petite brunette was there also. Squall walked over to see if she was leaving or just getting there when he heard the conversation.

"Irvy's good. Um, guess what? …Guess you can't, can you? Well, I'm two months pregnant! I think it's gonna be a girl, but he says it's gonna be a boy. Sheesh. It's so a girl, and he knows it. …I don't know if I'll be a good mom. Matron she was really good and all… but me? I mean, like, I totally thought out of all us you'd be the mom first. Or Rinny." Selphie sniffled. "I want to you to be the godmother… if you wake up, I mean. Like, every since I was a little kid; you were my best friend. And you know ever body always dreams about getting married and everything, well… I dreamed about having kids of my own, and Matron would be the gramma and Zell and Squall could be the uncles and everything, maybe even Seifer!… You know, I think you'd make a great aunt, Quisty."

She sighed. "I heard from somebody that you jumped. That's pretty weird! I mean… you wouldn't jump. I mean, you're so calm and everything. Everybody wants to be like you. Why would you ever jump? Pretty weird rumor, in my opinion." She wrung her hands before continuing. "I think Rinny and Squall are having some problems. She said they got into a fight or something a couple of days ago, and they haven't been talking. Squall's been acting pretty grumpy lately, so I guess I can see why they got into a fight. Um, what else…? Oh yeah, Zell! How could I forget about him! He's good, but the cafeteria lady yelled at him yesterday for eating too many hotdogs. It was really funny! …I wish you could have seen it."

"Well, I better get goin'. I gotta go to Balamb to get some vitamins for the baby, I want it to be really healthy! See you tomorrow, okay?" Selphie squeezed her hand before leaving for the door. She jumped a foot in the air. "Squall! You scared me!"

He said nothing but looked at her stomach. The girl in yellow went a tinge red. "You heard..?" He nodded. "Don't tell anybody, okay? …We wanna wait and tell everybody together." By the term 'we', he vaguely wondered if she was waiting for Quistis to awaken. If she did, anyway.

"…Yeah. I won't." He said quietly.

The petite girl pouted. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just came by to see the doctor, I'm not feeling well." He lied quickly.

"Um, the doctor's on lunch break. ….It says on the door." Selphie said, confused pointing to the door.

Damn. "N-never mind then." Squall stuttered stupidly.

Selphie put her hands on her hips as she left before calling back to him. "The door's open you know."

He looked back towards the door to the small infirmary room and looked back to the girl's retreating form, and hearing the door click. He took a deep breath before walking over to the room and hesitantly opening the door. The heart monitor continued it's regular beeps as he sat down. "I guess Selphie visits you everyday." He said quietly, brushing his bangs out of his face.

The heart monitor beeps made him uneasy. It seemed easy to visit her up until now for some reason. He sighed, getting up. He couldn't do this. He couldn't be alone with knowing he did it. He put his hands in his pockets and left the room, to the hallway. And soon he found himself not at his dorm or Rinoa's, but hers. People were busy walking in and out the door. What the hell was going on?

He moved through the various people into her room. Piles of boxes and clothes were stacked high and the drawers and closets were open. "What the hell is going on?" He snapped at the nearest person.

The teenage looked scared for a moment before responding. "T-t-the garden staff reassigned this room to the cadets. They said the owner didn't need it anymore."

Squall looked around the room, taking a deep breath. "Get out. This room still has an occupant."

"B-but, sir-"

"Get out! And take your things with you!" He snapped, pointing to the door. The cadets meekly replied taking their things and shutting the door behind them. He sighed, sitting down on her bed and looking at the room. It looked like half the school had tramped in and out a few times.

Slowly, he got up and began folding clothes and putting them away, trying to tidy the room. She'd need everything when she woke up. …_If_ she woke up. His heart twisted painfully and he sighed, shutting the drawers until he came to one that wouldn't shut.

Squall stared at it for a moment before trying to shut it again, only it was jammed. Something was stuck in there that made it jam. Cautiously, he reached in and grabbed the offending item, and dropped it when he received a paper cut from it.

The small book landed with a small noise and laid open, it's pages fully exposed. A diary. He knelt down and picked it up, reaching to shut it when a line caught his eye.

_"I told myself it was a sisterly love. And I thought it was… but when I saw with Rinoa on their first anniversary, I knew it wasn't. I loved him from the start, and I still do. But… he doesn't even know I exist. After all, who would notice the ice queen when the angel lingers near by?" _

He snapped the book shut.

o o o

"Six roses?" She asked quietly, when they had gotten home. Six red roses bound tightly with pink ribbon. Most women got a dozen, but she wasn't complaining.

He nodded, leaning in so that their foreheads were resting together. "You get a dozen on our twelfth anniversary." She let out a small laugh, tugging at the ribbon so she could put them in water. He watched patiently as she cut the stems and mixed the water with special powder that came with them, and then putting the roses in with it before returning to him.

"They're lovely." She told him with a small smile.

"I'm glad you approve." He whispered, walking behind her and pulling her against him. "Close your eyes."

She complied after a moment, and she felt a cool sensation hit her skin. "Alright, you can open them." He whispered against her neck. A sapphire pendent hung from a silver chain on her chest, she jerked away in surprise.

"Squall!" She said half in surprise and scolding. It looked expensive… very expensive.

He brought a finger to her lips to quiet her. "It was my grandmother's. She gave it to my father to give to me when I got married. I meant to give it to you last year but Raine got sick so I never got the chance…"

She mellowed down after that and gave him a small smile as he moved from behind her to in front of her. "It's beautiful. Thank you."

"You're very welcome." He whispered, tilting her chin upwards and kissing her. She shivered as he ran his fingers though her hair, dully noting that she had both combed and brushed as he could actually get his fingers through it. He also noted that unfortunately, breathing was a requirement. He pulled away, panting slightly.

She reached up and carefully pulled his hands away from her hand and intertwined them with her own, giving him a smile before tugging him towards the bedroom.

o o o

He had put the diary back and left quickly, retreating for his own room. He opened his door and slammed it shut so that the noise echoed through the hallway. He found himself face to face with a tired looking Rinoa. "What-"

She shook her head, and gestured for him to sit down. He sat down on the nearest chair and looked at her. She looked exhausted, both mentally and physically on the verge of tears. "I-I've tried my best to try and support you, Squall. I've tried to be there to talk to you, I've tried to comfort you… but you don't seem to care anymore." She whispered.

"We never talk anymore. The last time we kissed was before the party… that was a three weeks ago, Squall. You're always in your office or somewhere else. Zell thinks you've dropped off the face of the planet, and all the students think you've retired. What… what I'm trying to say is…" She took a deep breath before continuing and drying her eyes. "I think we need a break. I love you a lot, Squall… but I don't think your heart's in it anymore. I don't think you love me. Not like you used to anyways."

"Rin-" His brain as hardly processing any of this. She couldn't leave him! First Ellone, then Quistis and now Rinoa? It wasn't fair! He needed her! Why was everyone leaving him? Was he that bad of a person…?

She shook her head. "I've been thinking about this before a while. I've tried so hard to be there for you… But it looks like the only one that one that can break though to you is laying in the infirmary."

He shook his head. What was she talking about! "Do love her, Squall?" She whispered. "Is that why you don't look me that same way you used to…?"

"Rinoa…. I don't love her." The thought itself was stupid to him. This was Quistis they were talking about. She was more like a sister than anything to him, anything else would be… weird. Or at least he told himself so. He shook his head, where the hell was she getting all those stupid ideas? That sounded too farfetched for even himself. Sure, he missed her and wished she was back? But that didn't mean he loved her….

"I'm taking the first train back to Timber tomorrow…" She stood up and kissed his cheek before leaving. "I'm sorry." She whispered quietly before leaving.

He found himself angry at the blonde. She made him feel guilty and stupid, and took Rinoa away from him. He had never felt this way before. Ellone was one thing, Rinoa was another. He didn't love Ellone like he did Rinoa. It seemed like it was one loss after another. He found himself wishing the dark that she was here, even just so he could talk to her.

But he knew he had been the one to cause it. Pushed her away until the damage was unrepairable, and when he had finally realized it was too late.

…Always too late.

o o o

He stoked her hair while she tried to regain her breath. He always left her breathless. She smiled, while he lightly traced her collar bone with his finger, she shivered as he moved his attention to to her neck and then to her lips, parting them slightly before placing a small kiss on them before pulling her against his bare body.

"I love you" He whispered against her neck.

She couldn't have hid a grin if she tried. "I love you." She murmured "Always." He kissed her forehead. "Always." She repeated quietly to herself before falling asleep with his arm draped protectively over her.

_"And all the things you never ever told me, and all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me." _

The Ghost of You - My Chemical Romance

That's as close as I get to a lemon. Sorry, but I'd die of embarrassment if I tried to write one. So instead, I'll leave you to your imagination. PS: See if you can find the SMALL smidget of a hint towards the catches of Quistis' dream. HINT: It's mentioned when Squall and Rinoa get into the small argument in the before it switches to Quistis. Don't worry if you can't get it. The whole thing will be explained the next chapter.

UPDATE: Sept. 13. 2005 - The whole Rinoa/Ellone thing got fixed. Sorry about that.


	6. Find

True to her word, she had left the next morning. No one had known except for him, and they were smart to bring up the subject when he wasn't around, although he knew they were all curious. And again, rumors always leaned towards the 'affair' theory. He ignored all the questions and snide remarks.

And he missed her. More than he thought he would have; he found himself absentmindedly wondering what she was doing in the middle of a school meeting, but then kicking himself mentally getting back to whatever was going on. It seemed like his mind was torn on who to miss more, his girl friend or _her_. He wasn't even sure what to classify her as. Best friend or friend? Yes?

Either way, he was alone. His office seemed to be more and more inviting everyday; and the paper work practically screamed his name. Hell, his secretary quit because she thought her job was too boring. All she did was sit there all day and twiddle her thumbs because he did all the paper work. And when all the paper work was done, he'd stop the infirmary sometimes. But he'd never say anything.

He never knew what to say. Or if she heard him or if she was listening. If she was listening, she'd probably ignore him. He was positive she'd listen to Selphie though for all she chattered on. And when he wasn't in the infirmary he'd be in board meetings. Many of them. Talking about budget cuts and new courses and such.

Squall didn't seem to be doing to too hot in those areas these days. He'd occasionally drift off or let his mind wander and then get caught in the process. Most of the board members had been surprised at the new habits, but they had been going on for quite a while; only before whenever they looked to him for advice and he was daydreaming, he'd get a discreet kick in the leg and immediately come to attention and lie his way through. Or if he was really lost, she'd usually write something down on the napkin in front of him or whisper an answer or two in his ear quietly. Quistis had always been helpful in those areas. But now he was on his own. And before when he was have been more than ready to leave her in the dust to be by himself, it now scared him shitless to realize he was.

And it was rather ironic to realize the fact that you never realize how much someone means to you until they are gone is, indeed, true.

o o o

When usually breakfast had been inviting, it had become rather sickening to look at in the mornings. So she had been skipping breakfast for the past two weeks. And of course, had been caught by both her daughter and husband. Not that being told strictly by her daughter that skipping breakfast wasn't healthy wasn't amusing though. Her husband had been less amusing, and asked her if anything was wrong; of course she had assured him nothing was wrong and shooed them off for work and school before laying down and then proceeding to get caught laying down by the neighbor.

Some timing issues just sucked.

She had ended up just groaning and shooing the poor woman out telling her she had the contagious flu. Which had worked, but had kept the whole block at at least a three kilometer distance from her for a few days. …Not that she had minded, because when you're sick you really don't want visitors.

And by the time the second week had rolled around, gravol was officially her new best friend; because by then breakfast wasn't the only thing she was worrying about. Getting up and the middle of the night and making a door four meter dash to the bathroom without tripping over anything was her new concern. Throwing up silently came pretty damn close after that one.

Luckily, she had it pretty much mastered by the seventh day. By then the idea of it just being the stomach flu had flown out the window. Semolina didn't seem to be the jackpot sickness either. Even Selina seemed to be dropping hints at the other 'cause'. But she wasn't jumping to any conclusions until she was sure. And she was sure she wasn't pregnant because she was sure as hell it wasn't in her agenda. Not for another month anyways. …And not though lack of trying. The anniversary night had been… eventful. Not that she was going elaborate on that at all. Because she wasn't.

The house was fairly quiet and the only sounds that were heard were falling leaves scraping against the window panes. …And knocking. She sighed. She was hoping for a quiet afternoon to herself, well quiet consisting of doing dashes from the bathroom every few minutes. It was good exercise at least.

But none the less, despite her plans of a quiet afternoon, she found herself getting up to the answer the door. She swung it open trying to keep a relatively pleasant demeanor without killing the first person that came into view. Selina grinned and held up a paper bag, and the blonde fought back a groan. Just because she was a bit late for her monthly you-know-what, and was making frequent trips to the bathroom and food made her a bit queasy….

Well, it didn't mean she needed a pregnancy test.

Or so she thought.

o o o

"And you know as well as I do that the threat made to General Caraway isn't too drastic, we will still need to send SeeDs to investigate. Mr. Leonheart, what's your verdict on this matter? Mr. Leonheart?" The man asked, tapping his finger on the desk.

"Squall, come on. You know better to fall asleep in board meetings."

He let out a grunt before bolting up from his chair. "Quistis?" He sputtered stupidly.

The chair men stared at him oddly. "I'm afraid Ms. Trepe is currently in away on medical leave, Mr. Leonheart. I thought you of all people would know that." The man in the suit said, straightening his jacket.

"Uh, yeah." He said quietly, shaking his head, trying to get his brain working again.

"Let's go over this again, shall we? The threat to General Caraway…"

"What did I just tell you? Not to fall asleep in meetings. Now pay attention, I'm not here to help you out anymore."

He forced his eyes open, but they ended up falling shut again. She sounded so close… He opened his eyes open trying to stay away. "Squall, stay awake."

He turned towards the voice and she stood opposite of him, shaking her head with a small smile. "What am I supposed to do with you? You fall asleep within the first five minutes of a board meeting. Selphie was right. You do need more sleep."

The brunette nodded, dumbstruck. "You… you're supposed to be…"

She looked at him confused. "Supposed to be what? Are you alright?"

"I'm sorry." Squall whispered.

"Sorry? Sorry for what?" Confusion was etched in her voice as she walked over and bent over him to hear him.

"Because I… I-" He found himself at a loss for words. She was finally back with him and he couldn't say anything to her? She couldn't hear him, not well anyways so she moved closer to him so their foreheads were touching.

"Because you what?" The blonde asked, he groaned as he felt her breath on his skin. 

"You're not just a soldier." Squall breathed, she opened her mouth to ask what he was talking about but he silenced with a finger to the lips. "You were never just a solider." The words sort of just came out and his brain never paused to think about them. He found moving his finger away from her lips and moving into kiss her. So close he could almost feel her breath on his lips, he watched as her eyes fluttered shut as she moved in closer to him.

"Mr. Leonheart! If you cannot stay awake for a simple board meeting then I suggest you get more rest!" The man at the head of the table snapped. He jerked awake, looking around so quickly he nearly fell off his chair.

And she wasn't there. She had never been there. They had never kiss- His brain came to an abrupt halt. He had been dreaming. And it was _his _dream. So why the hell had he even considered kissing her? This was _Quistis _he was talking about! Not Rinoa. Had he lost so much sleep his own daydreams were getting mixed up?

He felt his face heat up and he quickly tugged at his shirt. Maybe they had turned off the AC. Or so he had hoped. "Send Zell and a team to Caraway's mansion. Get them to keep watch for a week. If nothing happens, send them back and get Caraway to just make sure he was access to a line where he can reach up in an emergency." He said, trying to lie his way out of the situation.

The man clapped his hands. "Excellent! I thought you weren't listening there for a moment!"

Squall rolled his eyes secretly. Chatter started up on how Squall made the perfect commander. "And forgive me for asking, but shall there be any special treatment for the General's daughter, Ms. Heartily?"

The room went dead silent, and his heart dropped and seemingly hit the bottom of his stomach. "Get two SeeDs posted by her room at all times. Zell will be assigned as her bodyguard and let the rest of the team focus on Caraway." He said coldly. If anything touched a hair on her body, there would be hell to pay.

"Y-Yes." The man said. "Alright, meeting adjourned." The rest of the people stood, brushed off their suits and left the building leaving him in the room by himself. No blonde, no Quistis. No seemingly heated kiss. No confused kiss anyways.

He sighed, leaning back in his chair, licking his lips. It felt so real though. He closed his eyes. A small nap wouldn't hurt anyone. Then the chimes alerting an announcement came on. He groaned, sitting up.

Nida's voice rang through the school. "Would the commander please come to the infirmary? Commander to the infirmary."

His mind snapped into his overdrive as he sat up quickly and shot out of his chair and ran towards the elevator nearly bowling over a few cadets. If anything were to happen to her… He slammed his fist down on the elevator button. "Hurry!" He hissed, pacing to the side. Finally the elevator let out a ding and he bolted for the exit, past the main hallway to the infirmary. The commander arrived nearly breathless and practically hunted down the doctor.

"Is she alright?" He asked, his mind coming up with millions of explanations on why he was called.

The doctor sighed. "Relax, Mr. Leonheart. She's in a stable condition; we just paged you because a woman here wanted to have a word with you. She says it's extremely important, she's waiting in Ms. Trepe's room."

He let out a feral sounding growl. He couldn't be paged every time he got called by some soccer mom because their kid got a scrape on their knee! He swung the doors open ready to give a full out verbal assault put soon went quiet.

"Ellone…" Squall breathed quietly. The girl gave him a grim smile, and beckoned him over. "Excuse me."

"I just saw Quisty." She said quietly.

"The doctor says she might not wake up." Squall said quietly.

The girl nodded. "That's right." She paused a moment. "But she's not in a coma, Squall."

"What?" He asked, confused. "Then where is she?"

"In the dream world."

"But--"

Ellone shook her head. "I didn't send her there. She made her own somehow."

"Is… Is she alright there?"

She laughed. "Oh, she's perfectly happy, Squall. You see… when someone creates their own dream world, what ever exists there is what they desire. For some, it's money, for others it's fame and fortune. She's truly happy… but you can't let her stay there, Squall."

"But if she's happy…" He said quietly.

"What she is experiencing is false happiness. Nothing where she is real, but is strung together by fragments of strong emotions and pieces from the past and the future; what could be and still can be. She can feel emotions, touch things, experience both pleasure and pain. But you leave her there, little by little, she will forget this world and convince herself that where she is her true world.

Time passes there much quickly then time passes is here, that means she will soon begin to forget everything here and if she can't remember anything here, then she has nothing to hold on to, and nothing to remind her to continue to fight here. If she believes completely, that the dream world is her true world … she will die."

"She'll die?" He asked quietly. "Then how do we stop her from believing she belongs in the other world?"

"You mean how do _you _stop her from believing she belongs in the other world." She corrected.

"Me?" Squall asked, feeling a groan coming on.

"You have to find her, and convince her to come back to this world. You need to hurry, it won't take long for her to forget everything."

"Ellone… Don't make me do this. Selphie would be a lot better at this than I would."

"But you're the only one who had a hold of her heart." He rolled his eyes.

"I can't."

"Why not?" She asked, eyeing him.

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "Before.. Before this happened, she told me loved me." He sighed again. "I… I told her I didn't love her. It's my fault his happened, how am I supposed to convince her to come back when I got her there in the first place?"

"That's for you to figure out." She said with a smile. "It's already been four months in their time, she's already forgotten Cid, Edea, the Sorceress wars, teaching, the Garden. She's already forgotten your faces… she hardly remembers your names . Soon, she'll forget the orphanage gang and you completely… and herself. I know it seems like a lot to take in, and I know you don't want to risk everything you have here for her… but think of how much you're loosing if you don't."

__

Think of how much you're loosing if you don't.

And even though it sounded a fisherman's terminology for the 'one that got away'… the thought kept him awake all night.

o o o

She paced the kitchen back in forth. Fifteen minutes, her ass. Finally the small egg timer went off and she calmly walked over to the bathroom, said a small prayer, and shut her eyes before looking at the results. Cautiously, she opened her eyes.

She groaned, and leaned her head against the bathroom wall.

It was a blue strip.

Now, how many of you are sitting there like: 'wtf?' … Yeah. Me too. I _think _a blue strip means you're pregnant. I'm not sure. I'm going with my gut here. Why is it taking so long me to update? For starters, school. Although, I've recently taken a liking to the rather screwed up relationship involving Reno and Elena from FF7. Anyways, have a hay-day on this one, guys.


	7. Nevermore

It wasn't explaining the fact that she was pregnant to her husband she was worried about. No, no. That was the small fry. It was explaining it to her daughter without going through the whole the bird and the bees talk. But first on her agenda was telling him.

So when he had gotten home she had asked him to sit down. And sat herself down. Just in case.

She sighed, before taking a deep breath. "Squall, I'm pregnant." No beating around the bush was going to occur here.

The blonde watched him before a moment while his brain registered the information. "Really?" He asked after a moment. He had taken it better than the first time for sure. The first time around he had said 'Great' and then got halfway to the kitchen before it finally hit which resulted in him being flat sprawled out on the floor.

She nodded silently, it wasn't that she was happy; she was. But it had come a but unexpectedly, she hadn't planned for another child for a few more months. He finally smiled at her, getting up and pulling her into his lap. "That's wonderful." Mentally, she let out a sigh of relief. "Are you happy about it, though?"

The question caught her off guard for a moment. "Yes. Why wouldn't I be? I always-"

"I always wanted kids, you know? They're so cute! I think Irvy' d make a good dad, teach the boys all about all that manly stuff!"

"Boys?"

"Well, yeah. I wanna have lotsa kids!"

Her face paled slightly, and she tried to cover it up by facing the other way but he ended up catching it anyways. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She lied. "I'm fine, I was just thinking about something." Like a conversation that had never taken place in the first place…? She shook her head. First pictures and then imaginary conversations, she truly _was_ going crazy.

"Well, I think you'd be a great mother Selphie."

"Really!"

"Really."

"Booyaka! Thanks!"

She vaguely felt a headache coming on, she sighed and put a hand to her forehead. Hearing voices was never a good way to start the day. Or night. Whatever. Not enough sleep, that was her excuse.

"I think I'm going to go lay down." She told him quietly, kissing him quickly before finding her way to her bedroom and laying down.

But even her dreams didn't chase away the voices.

o o o

"Are you going to go?" Ellone asked quietly.

He sighed, the office was empty except for the two of them. Ellone had been here a total of a week and already had half the school around her finger, secretaries included. So it was no wonder she had access when he had specifically told the _new _secretary to not let anyone in.

"Go where?" He asked, slightly annoyed that she was back tracking him from his work. And partly, he knew she was talking about the dream world. But to be honest, he was scared of what he would find. Everything she ever wanted, after all he had put her through, was it really right to rip apart from what she had always wanted. And if she wouldn't return? If she would be willing to stay there even if it meant death? …Would he really be able to let her go? Entertain the illusion knowing the fact that it was truly false? Would he even be able to tell her the truth?

"To her world." Ellone replied, tilting her head to look at him. "You're the only one who can bring her back, Squall. It's your choice, bringing her back is painful, but if you keep her there aren't you lying to her as well?"

He closed his eyes. He had nothing to lose, after all. Rinoa had already left him. He pursed his lips, pushing the fear out of his mind. Even if he couldn't bring her back, he'd at least give her a proper goodbye.

"Yeah. I'll go." He whispered.

Ellone nodded silently, before moving in front of him. "Will you go now? The longer you wait, the more she will forget."

"Now." He said bluntly.

The girl pursed her lips before speaking. "I'm going to have to put you to sleep alright? Then I'll send you to her world." He gave her a brisk nod before she started. "Be careful, Squall…"

Sleep came immediately.

He woke up to green yard, white house and picket fence. He took a deep breath. Hopefully Ellone had got him to the right place; but this… This was really what she wanted? He looked around, the lawn was perfect not a weed in sight. It didn't seem like her. She wouldn't something this materialistic. Squall closed his eyes and collected his thoughts before walking up to the door.

Then it hit him.

It wasn't the house. It was what was _inside _the house.

o o o

She sighed, trying to figure out where she had out down her book. At first she had been positive that it had been the living room but now the idea of the kitchen wasn't that farfetched. Being pregnant the second time wasn't as bad as the first time. Probably because she wasn't as paranoid as the first time around.

It seemed like it was forever until she finally spotted the book. Good. For a moment there she was starting to think she was going crazy or senile. She picked it up and tried to figure out where she had left off. But even as he read her mind kept drifting off to different and foreign topics. Things she had never once considered or heard of. And weird names.

Names she had never heard before. Selphie, Irvine, Zell, Seifer, Rino-

Knocking at the door interrupted her thought process. She sighed, and got up lazily; half expecting to open the door and half three thousand ladies she didn't even know start throwing confetti in her face and start to throw some random baby shower. She had barely begun to show a bit and half the bloody world knew about it for some reason.

But when she opened the door, it wasn't the ladies she had suspected. A man in black stood in the door way, she held back a noise of surprise. He looked just like…

His heart must have missed a couple of beats there because he found himself suddenly feeling like he had the wind knocked out of him. It was like she was a totally different person. She looked so carefree, not stressed. Happy, for once. She tilted her head at him, evidently confused.

"Can I help you?" She asked. He came to the conclusion she obviously didn't know who he was as she hadn't slammed the door in his face. She felt an odd sense of de ja vu. She had been in this exact situation once.

He stood there dumbstruck for a moment while she opened the door and stepped out to good a look at him. Her hair was down and for a moment he dug at him memory trying to figure out whether or not he actually seen her with it down. But it wasn't her hair that made his stomach suddenly lurch.

The bulge in her stomach did. She looked at him, concerned before covering her stomach with a hand. Light glinted off it and it hit him that she was also married. His stomach did a painful flip flop. She was married, and pregnant. Someone had touched _his _Quistis. He mentally kicked himself, where the hell had that come from?

"If you don't need anything then please leave." She said quietly, going to the shut the door. He quickly jammed his foot in-between the door and door frame.

"Quistis?"

She looked surprised for a moment. "Do I know you?"

"Yes." He breathed. "You do. Tell me you remember. Selphie, Zell, Irvine, Rinoa, Cid, Matron, Ellone... Me? What about the Garden? You used to be an Instructor!"

The blonde shook her head. "I'm sorry. I don't know what you're talking about, you must have the wrong person."

"I don't!" Squall said loudly. "Look, you don't belong here! Balamb Garden? Do you remember that place?"

A image of hallways flickered in her mind for a moment. "No. Please leave now." She said, trying to move his foot from the doorway.

"You used to teach. You taught me, Zell and Seifer. You were a SeeD! This world isn't real, Quistis." She shook her head.

"I don't know where you're from but you've obviously got the wrong person. I've never taught, and I don't know you, Zell or Seifer. I'm married, and I have a child. I've never been a SeeD or whatever you call it. Now I'd appreciate if you left before I have to call the authorities on you."

His heart pretty much hit the bottom of his stomach. No, this wasn't right! She wasn't supposed to be like this… "Please leave." She whispered, and he slowly removed his foot from the door and sighed.

It wasn't supposed be like this. She was supposed to remember and come back with him. But she didn't.

"Goodbye Quistis." He told her before turning to leave. There was nothing else he could at this time.

He watched as she shut the door.

He'd be back through. He had failed her once, but he wasn't going to do it again.

She sighed and shut the door quietly. "Who was that, mommy?" Raine asked quietly.

"No one." She answered quietly, kneeling down to her with a small smile. "No one at all."

o o o

He jerked awake to the sounds of frantic beeping. He rolled on his side before slowly sitting up and examining his whereabouts. He was home. His home at least.

The brunette shut his eyes and then blinked. He had a headache, and the whole jumping from one world to the other thing wasn't sitting too well with him. His cell phone gave one last beep before becoming completely silent. He sighed, reaching over and picking it up. One missed call. Letting out a small breath, he checked who it was from. Rinoa. His heart did a small flip flop that felt more like a sag than anything. Slowly he dialed the number and let it ring.

…She had looked so happy. Everything he couldn't give her, everything she couldn't have. And yet, he felt like the villain in the story. Hurt her until she had completely blocked herself off, made her jump, and when she was finally happy, rip her away from everything she ever wanted.

Another ring. He missed Rinoa, and he missed her. But Rinoa… she'd come back eventually. She'd find her happily ever after with or without him. Quistis… he wasn't sure if she'd be able to get one ever. Or if he'd even be able to get her to come back? Hell, she didn't even remember him. And when she did… was she even going to go back to him? _Him? _He sighed. Us. The garden. Not him.

Another. She had family in her dream world. A husband, a child. Children, he corrected himself. …But she had family here, too, right? Him, Selphie, Irvine, Zell, Matron and Cid… weren't they family? Family that was too busy to even talk or acknowledge her for the past few months…? The realization hit him hard. It was true. Other than business meetings… when had he last talked to her personally?

And another ring. When he told her he was thankful she was there, or how she looked nice. Told her he needed he- He hadn't. He hadn't told her. Hell, he stumbling around like an idiot with out her. How useful was he without her? She was practically his best friend. She might have even been more. But he hadn't let her.

He shut the cell phone off.

She hadn't given up on him, and he wasn't going to give up on her.

The brunette sighed, and walked towards the door. He needed to find Ellone. He took a deep breath before opening the door, only come face to face with tearful, hysteric Selphie. Oh Hyne. She died, didn't she? His mind raced in circles. He didn't know what he'd do if she was dead. He gather up his courage. He needed to know. Before he had even opened his mouth to ask her what was wrong, she had already blurt out the answer.

"She's dying." Selphie whispered, in vain trying to wipe her eyes. "T-the doctor says she's o-only got a month to live. Tops."

Yeah. Short I know. I'm sorry. I've got a biology test tomorrow that I should be studying for so I can't take up the entire night writing this. The Quall fan fiction Fanlisting is up (I can't remember if I mentioned this before… I think I did but oh well.) Anyways, it's on my homepage link. Go join! Support Quall! …This is also known as shameless-advertise-my-own-fan listing-'cause-I'm-a-looser-talk. It only took me five days to update! Praise me. Ahem. Good night.


	8. Call

Garden. Garden. Garden. The blonde sighed. If that word ran through her head one more time-

"Mommy?" Raine tugged on her shirt, and she had to adjust herself so she could see her daughter. With a baby due any day there wasn't much to see without moving yourself first.

"Yes?" She asked quietly, hoping that it wasn't another question about her unborn sibling. It had been hard enough to explain it this first time, and even then it was hardly an answer.

"How did daddy propo- propos-"

The blonde watched her daughter struggle with the word for a minute. "Propose?" Where had she even heard that word from?

"Yeah that's it." The girl said, moving to climb up on the couch.

A smile crossed her lips, deciding to humour her. "Well, it was in the fall; and your father asked me to come outside with him. And when I said yes, he told me to bring my coat because it was cold out so I did. We went to the park down the street, and when we sat down he told to check my pocket. I did, and there was a wedding ring inside it; and then he asked me to marry him."

Raine absentmindedly kicked her feet against the couch. "Would you be sad if you didn't marry daddy?"

"Of course I would be, honey." She said quietly, stroking her daughter's hair.

"Mommy?" The little girl asked, looking up.

"Yes?"

"I'd be sad, too." The blonde smiled at the answer.

o o o

"There's no explanation for this." The doctor said with a sigh. "There wasn't any brain swelling or damage, other than possible paralyzes there's nothing that should be killing here. She's on IV's and meds, but…" He flipped the chart open and examined it again. "all the meds we've been giving to her haven't been causing any allergic reactions or anything remote close to one. If we can't find whatever's doing this to her, she'll be dead with in one to two weeks tops."

"You've checked everything?" Squall asked, massaging his eyes.

"Yes sir. Like I said there's no possible leads at this time. We've got the whole medical wing monitoring her process but…" The doctor somewhat squirmed from being under a glare.

"What about Selphie Kinneas?"

"Mrs. Kinneas?" The doctor asked confused. "She's fine. The stress is getting to her and is making causing a bit of lack of sleep but other than her and the baby are perfectly healthy. Why?"

The brunette ran his finger through his hair. "I'm letting her on leave of absence."

"But sir, the pregnancy leave isn't valid until-"

"I didn't say pregnancy leave." Squall said, exasperatedly shaking his head. He checked his watch before sighing. "Keep me informed of any news." He told to the doctor as he walked out of the medical wing.

"For which one?" The doctor called.

The commander rolled his eyes before catching the elevator to his office. With a ding it opened and he was allowed into the quiet office (his private hide out since sleeping through the last meeting). But what he found waiting on his desk was not piled up paper work but a rather peeved looking Ellone. She evidently wasn't happy with the fact he had been away from the garden for about two weeks on business and hadn't contacted her.

"You didn't find her?" She asked, examining the paper weight on his desk.

He somewhat winced upon noticing that was the paper weight Rinoa had given him as a joke. "I found her." He said, moving around the desk and sitting down in his seat, fixing her with a flat look.

"And?" She prompted.

"She didn't believe me."

Ellone sighed. "Well on the first try she obviously won't." She put the paper weight down and looked out the window. "She doesn't have much time left, you know."

"I know."

"Then are you going back?" She asked, fiddling with the blinds.

"I don't know." He said quietly, scribbling his signature onto a garden document.

Ellone cast one last look at him before walking towards the door. "You would have gone back for her though, wouldn't you?"

"Don't bring Rinoa up, Ellone." He said coldly, narrowing his eyes at her.

"But you would have, wouldn't you?"

He brushed his bangs out of his face but said nothing.

"Maybe I was wrong then. Maybe you still are the little boy I left behind all those years ago. You still only care about yourself."

If words could have hurt, he probably would have been flat out on his back dead. "What do you want me to do then?" He hissed. He had been so sure of himself when he had last seen her. So sure that if he had gone back a second time he 'd be able to bring her back. But now, he wasn't quite sure of anything anymore. "I can't give her everything she wants. I can't promise her a family, no one here can."

"You don't have to promise her forever, you know." Ellone told him quietly.

And by the time the fact had registered in his mind, she was gone. She had a knack for doing that, he noted. Slip out the doorway right before you lecture her, and then she'd be gone until she'd suddenly pop up somewhere and scare you. He sighed before getting up, this room was making his nostalgic.

He eventually found himself in his dorm, trying to get some sort of sleep. But sleep was evading his grasp quite easily. Was she right? …Was he really the boy she had left all those years ago? Too stubborn to let anyone in or show his own feelings? He sighed, sitting up and looking out the window, tracing his fingers along the window pane.

What would she think of him now? Surely she'd be disappointed.

The sunset was fading fast and he vaguely wondered if she had a sunset in her world; then chided himself for asking such a stupid question to himself. But halfway through interrogating himself silently why he was so emotional over the fact she was gone, the muffled sounds of his cell phone interrupted him.

He wasn't in a huge hurry to answer it. Anything garden of infirmary related they would have paged him from the bridge; but he got up and scrounged around for it eventually found it underneath reports. Slowly he held it up to his ear. "Hello?"

__

"Hi, Squall. Um, how are you? I've been trying to call you for a while now but you never answer."

He sighed. "I've been busy, Rinoa. That's all. Is your father alright?"

__

"Him? He's fine! Everyone's been doing such a great job. But… um, that's not what I called you for. It's kinda a long story. Zell wanted me to call you to see how Quistis is doing."

"She's dying, Rin." He took a deep breath. "I actually needed to talk to you. I need you to tell Zell to come back, he's exempted from the mission."

"They can't do anything about it?" She asked after a moment of silence. _"You've got the best staff there is, Squall! They have to do something! They can't let her die."_

"I know but…" He trailed off shaking his head. "Look, I've got to go. I've got a meeting."

__

"You don't really… do you?" She said, hurt.

He was silent.

__

"Squall? Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah."

__

"Do you love her?" 

o o o

She'd didn't like hospital rooms to start with. Being there post labour and on a drug high didn't help any, either. Not that she wasn't happy, the whole being through with pregnancy thing was great; and having a baby boy which somehow her step mother ended up convincing them to name Alex made her extremely happy but God, she wanted sleep. And she eventually got it. The first day, at least. But now it was hard to get through the whole night without being woken up at least once.

The blonde stifled a yawn. 4pm in the afternoon and she wanted to crawl into bed and sleep for another month or two. However, both her children seem against that idea. When Alex finally decided to take a nap, Raine would come up and chatter to her. Or when Raine would be busy with something, the baby would start to cry. Either way, she wasn't getting any sleep (or alone time with her husband) anytime soon.

"Hey, you know that new singer? Can't remember the name of her for the life of me. Julia something… Anyways, Steve managed to win tickets to like, four tickets to her show. Do you and Squall want to come with us?" Celina asked, from across the table where she was folding baby clothes.

She was fairly sure her brain was somewhere half way across the world when the other woman had asked the question because it had never quite clicked. "Oh! Julia Heartily. Yeah, that was her name. Sung Eyes on You or something, Eyes on Me maybe. I dunno. Quistis? Hello? You listening?"

Julia Heartily. Heartily. _Heartily. _Something in her mind clicked.

"Did you ever know I had an eye on you?"

The man at the door. Gardens. Heartily.

"You okay?"

Reno. Rena. Rina. Rino. Rinoa. _Rinoa Heartily_.

__

"So darling there you are with that look on your face as if you're never hurt, as if you're never down.."

In vain, she tried to grab the counter in an attempt to sturdy herself.

"Have you seen Squall and Rinny around? I haven't seen 'em all day! I need to ask them about the garden festival!" 

"Did you hear me? Are you okay?" She somewhat remembered nodding.

Gardens. Flower. Garden. Seeds. SeeD. Balamb. Balamb Garden.

__

"I'm sorry. I don't love you."

"Look, I'm gonna call a doctor, okay?"

__

"Shall I be the one for you…?"

Squall Leonheart. …That wasn't her Squall.

__

"If a frown in shown, then I will know you that you are no dreamer".

Then she hit the ground.

o o o

Short chapter I know. I'm so incredibly sorry for not updating lately. I've been very busy. I'd like to thank you incredible people though! Not only are you totally supportive (and flattering) but 50 of you have me on favourite authors, and you have no idea how giddy that makes me. So since you guys have given me this, I'm going to try and give back to you. If you have a fic of a show/game/book and a fic of a couple I support I'll try and review. Tit for tack, right? And a little kiriban thing. If you're the 100th review of this fic, the 250th on Forget me Not (they'll be an alternate ending up) or the 200th reviewer for 101 Way to Fake a Marriage tell me in the review and you can request a one-shot fic. Give me a challenge or an idea, but NO rated R of NC17 stuff, okay? I think that's fair.

Also after this I'm going to start a new one, I have two different ideas. Vote for them if you want, hmm?

a) a SELFER (yes SeiferxSelphie) based on a dare, honest. I'm mostly a Selvine fan. Anyways, to put it short form - not AU. Post game. Selphie's blind. Seifer's "dead". And when they meet on a date, all hell breaks loose. Humour and romance. Don't worry, they'll be plenty of Quall hints.

b) a QUALL was actually also a challenge. She wanted to be perfect, and when that failed she punished herself. He was waiting for one that never came, and eventually gave up. When the truth us shown, you can never go back. Real angst-y. Angst and drama? Well yeah, romance too of course.

And now I'll stop making half the fic author's notes. Sorry about that.


	9. Lie

"I'm going back."

Ellone looked up from his desk, showing a small smile. "You finally realized?"

He sighed, tugging at his jacket absentmindedly. "I don't know if I love her but…" He trailed off for a moment. "I can't let her go. Not again."

"You definitely aren't the little boy I left behind, you know." She whispered.

And he found himself with a small smile playing on his lips.

He most definitely wasn't.

"Do you love her?"

He took a deep breath, "I don't know."

She let out a small laugh on the other line. "You should know if you love someone or not, silly."

Squall looked out the window and the phone remained silent for a minute or so.

"Hey, let's make a new promise, okay?"

"What?" He asked confused.

"Let's just be happy. Me and you. And if she makes you happy, be with her."

The sunset faded away quickly and his attention was turned once again back to the conversation at hand. "...Yeah." He said quietly, silently collecting his thoughts. He had loved her, once upon a time. She had been the princess, he had been the knight. But the princess always had suitors, princes that wanted her hand. "So… I guess this is goodbye."

"I guess it is. …Goodbye Squall."

Princesses could always get their princes. That was the way fairy tales worked. And knights always rescued the fair damsels in distress or the beautiful princesses. But he found himself not wanting the princess, but the one who never got a second glance. Because they deserve a fairy tale romance too. It wasn't the twelve o'clock magical ending or the traditional fairy tale romance. He found himself with a small smile. Oh well.

He never was traditional to start with.

o o o

"Squall, I told you already; it was just exhaustion. The doctor said the only reason I passed out was because I was up and moving too fast." She sighed, cutting the hospital band off her wrist. "I know, but you don't need to miss work to come check up on me. You'll see me when you get home. Hold on, someone's knocking on the door. I'll call you back, okay? Love you too. Bye." The blonde stretched before getting up to get the door.

She sighed before opening it, she would have much rather been sleeping (or at least taking a nap). But she found just when she raised her hand to answer it, whatever courage she had had just withered away and died. She couldn't open it. She didn't _want _ to open it. But she after a moment eventually summoned up her lost courage and found herself reaching for the door knob anyway.

Grey eyes met hers, and immediately she moved to shut the door. She wasn't going through this again. He was faster, by the time she had even attempted to jerk her body at out of whatever shock it had just been through, his foot was already in-between the door and the doorframe, and his hand was firmly against the door.

"Get out." She told him sternly.

He somehow managed to give her a flat look. "Stop lying to yourself, Quistis."

"I don't know you're talking about. I don't even know you are. Now please leave." She said coldly, trying in vain to shut the door.

"This isn't real! None of this real, Quistis and you know it!"

Her hands froze, and she momentarily dropped them to her side before returning them to the door. "No…" She whispered, before the repeating the thought silently in her mind. "No. I don't know what you're talking about. Leave now." But she knew. She had known for a while now. And she had struggled to forget. Busying herself with chores, looking after her children. But nothing worked, it plagued her mind, haunted her sleep. She couldn't have escaped it if she tried.

"Selphie, the garden! Matron, Cid, everyone! You know them! You know what I'm talking about!"

"I don't!" She yelled, shaking her head. "I don't know any of those people. I live her with my family… my husband. My children. I… don't know any of them."

"You know them!" Squall snapped, pushing the door open. "Zell, Irvine, Rinoa!"

Rinoa. Rinoa and Squall. …Everything she had wanted so badly to forget. How he hadn't loved her. Hadn't given her a second glance, or a second thought. She had always been the one to wait in the wings, watch everyone else live their lives. Everyone else be happy. "No…" She was happy now, she didn't want to leave. Go back to a life where in everyone else's eyes she was nothing.

Selphie. Irvine. Zell. Cid. Matron. Seifer. The Garden. Xu. Rinoa. Squall. "No!" She snapped at him, tears stinging at her eyes. "I don't care! I don't care if I know them!"

"You're going to die if you stay here! You're dying already."

"You make if sound like I care." She murmured bitterly, weakly dropping her hands once again to her side. "I don't care, Squall. I really don't care. I'm happy here. I've got a husband, a family… I can't have any of that in the real world. My parents are dead. I'll never find a husband. " She pursed her lips. "There's nothing there for me, Squall. At least if I die here, I'll be happy."

"That's what you think?" He asked quietly.

"That's what I know."

"No, you don't. You don't know." The brunette said sharply. "You don't know that Selphie visits you everyday! You don't know that Xu quit her job because it reminded her too much of you. You don't know that Zell hasn't been in the cafeteria for weeks, or that Irvine hasn't been flirting! You don't know that I-" He stopped abruptly.

"You what?" She whispered.

I'm an idiot without you? I actually day dream about you in meetings? Let Rinoa break up with me for you? Miss you? Wish you were here with me? Give it all way just for you to give us another chance? "I need you here." He breathed. "With me." He added after a moment. He sighed. "I can't bring your parents back. I can't promise you a husband, or children. But I can promise you a family. Matron, Cid, Selphie, Irvine, Zell and I. We were your family once. We still are."

"What about Rin-"

He shook his head. "We aren't… together anymore. She told me to be happy."

She looked up, surprised. "Then… why.. Why are you here?"

"I needed to tell you I'm sorry."

"You came all the way here to tell me that?" She asked, somewhat in disbelief. She sighed, shaking her head. "Is that really why you're here? Just to ease your conscience? Even when you were telling the truth?" She turned her gaze to the house, eventually beckoning him in and shutting the door. "You were right though. I'm a solider. And that's all I ever be to you. So just go home, Squall. Go home, tell Rinoa you love her and let me stay here. Just let me lie to myself for a little longer."

"Why should I?"

"Because… it would make us both happy." She said quietly, closing her eyes for a moment. "Besides… I can't leave them. They're my children. They need me."

If he could have given an award for stubbornness, she would have won it hands down.

"We need you."

She sighed again massaging her eyes. "You don't need me, Squall. I'm sure you've got plenty of soldiers you can replace me with."

He knew that those words would come back and haunt him. And here they were. He shook his head silently, "You were never just a soldier, Quistis."

Her eyes flickered up to his, disbelievingly. "Then why did it take you so long for you to come back for me?"

"Because I was an idiot." Whatever of pride he had left, had just crumpled away. "I took you for granted… and when I realized it was too late."

"You're right. You're an idiot." She said coldly. "You put me through Hell and back." The blonde snapped; blinked back tears, angrily. "You pushed everyone away for so long! Made us feel like we were worthless. I hate you." She trembled under his gaze, trying in vain to fight her tears away. "I hate you!" She yelled. "I hate you for making me feel alone and stupid! I hate you for not ever caring, for making me feel worthless!" Her knees buckled and she staggered, eventually finding herself sobbing on the ground. "I hate you for making me feel this way."

He watched her, the one who everyone always thought was so strong; on her knees trying in vain to convince herself everything would be alright. And he found himself hating himself, too. Making her this way, so sad and unsure of herself. Slowly, he walked over and kneeled beside her, hesitantly reaching out to touch her shoulder, but only just barely brushing it before pulling back. Instead, he moved beside her and pulled her into his arms. "I'm so sorry." He whispered quietly, until eventually the sobbing subsided and she relaxed.

"I promise I'll never hurt you again."

"That's impossible for anyone." She murmured. "Everyone hurts someone at one point." The blonde moved away from him and settled herself down. "You can't promise me that."

"You've made up your mind then?" He asked, quietly. "You won't come back…?"

She sighed softly. "You've hurt me a lot." Her eyes flickered up to his, pausing a moment. "But I… I can't- I can't keep lying to myself, can I?" She whispered, forcing a smile. "I'll go. If anything just to tell Selphie she'd make a good mother."

The brunette stood up slowly. "We need to go."

She shook her head. "I have to say goodbye."

"There's not much t-"

"I know." She said, looking up at him. "But give me until dawn. Please."

He looked at her, debating the situation. She was cutting it close, extremely close; but if he was ripping her away from all this… the least he could do was offer borrowed time. "Alright. But dawn is all."

The blonde nodded, watching as he cast her one last look and left. And then she cried.

o o o

He checked out the window, it had barely reached 7pm and he was getting paranoid. She was dying, everyone else was down in the infirmary waiting for the heart monitor to just go flat. What was she doing now? Was she deciding she wasn't going to come back? Tucking her children in? Making love with her husband-

His hand twitched. That's right. She had been married. Why would she ever want him when she had the perfect life with her perfect husband…? He sighed. He could never offer her that. A perfect life, prefect house, children. And even if he had gotten her back, who was to say she wouldn't just quit and move somewhere else? Marry someone else and leave him?

No, no, _NO_. He kicked himself mentally? Since when had he cared if she was getting married? When had his whole perceptive of her done a complete 180? When had he fallen in love with her-

Oh no. No, no, no, _no._

He was not in love with her.

Or so he claimed.

o o o

"Goodnight, sweetie." She whispered kissing her daughter's forehead, then checking up her son. It seemed they actually seemed to pity her situation for once since they were both quiet. She sighed, reaching up and flicking off the lights. This wasn't real. None of this was. And yet, she would have given her life for her children and her husband. But it felt so real.

Slowly she walked over to her own bedroom and sat down on the bed beside her husband. "Do you ever feel like you belong somewhere else?" She asked quietly.

"What?"

She licked her lips before answering. "I don't belong here. I never did."

He sat up and looked at her, curious. "What do mean?"

"I'm going, I'm leaving tomorrow." She pursed her lips, no. She wasn't going to cry. "I'm sorry. I just… I need to leave. I can't stay."

The room fell with silence. "I understand."

"You do…?" The blonde whispered.

"Yeah. I think I do." Squall said quietly, moving so he could hear her better.

"In the morning… can you tell the children I love them?" He nodded, silently. "I love you." She whispered, "I love you so much."

"I love you too." He told her quietly, and she blinked back tears, with a small smile. It'd probably be the last time she'd hear any Squall tell her that. She moved closed to him, wrapping her arms around his neck, before gently pulling him down to bed.

She'd lie to herself for just one more night.

o o o

He waited on the porch as the first signs of dawn appeared, checking his watch every five seconds. The brunette stared at the door waiting it for even the slightest of budge. Where was she! She couldn't wait any longer. He barely heard the door open, and whipped around at the sound of it. She gave him a small smile, her eyes red-rimmed, plainly obvious she had been crying. She said nothing, but walked over to him and hugged him. He shut his eyes and waited for Ellone to bring them back; as the scenery dissolved from a white picket fenced house to a desert wasteland, then to absolute nothing.

"Let's go home."

o o o

The monitor line went flat, and Selphie buried her head in Irvine's arms. Zell looked the other way, Matron sighed softly, stroking the blonde's head and Cid was silent.

The doctor sighed. "Time of death 6:04am."

__

"Built a perfect house in a perfect town, dreamt a perfect dream and it all fell down." Castles in the Sand - the Philosopher Kings

Don't worry - it's NOT over.

Erm, yeah. This chapter is WEIRD and OOC. Oh well. Bad news here. The whole Quall thing in the last chapter vote/story thing died. I thought over the story and was like… no. It wouldn't work. Too many angst stories out there BUT I've got another one coming up. I actually think it's a good idea, might throw you for a loop though. Guaranteed 100 Quall though. Also, no updates next week, I'm off to New York (my first ever trip there!). But updates the next week maybe? Alright, that's it. Don't kill me. Please.


	10. Smile

Pfft. You all have no faith in me. You guys actually thought I'd kill her off? _Please_. Even _I'm_ not that mean.

"Time of death 6:04am." The doctor announced.

Selphie sobbed into Irvine's arms, until the point she thought she was going to be sick. Zell, watched the spot on the floor, occasionally allowing his eyes to wander to his now dead childhood friend. He blinked when he saw her finger twitch. He shook his head. No, that wasn't right. She was dead. He looked around quickly, no one else seemed to have noticed. No one even blinked, the tattooed blonde sighed in relief. Good. He wasn't going crazy.

Then the supposedly dead blonde bolted up. Selphie screamed, Zell backed up over a chair and fell, and Irvine went ghost white. The doctor passed out. Matron stood shocked for a moment, before getting over it and slowly wrapping her arms around the other woman while she cried.

"T-t-that's impossible!" The nurse said, clutching her chest. "We called the time of death, her heart stopped beating!" Zell nodded, in agreement, trying to get his heart back to the normal rate.

Matron gave a small smile. "Nothing's impossible, my child." The blonde seemed to have gotten her bearings by that point and began to cry, while Matron tried to comfort her. Selphie too, eventually got herself over the initial shock and joined the hug, as did the rest of the group.

The nurse watched in disbelief before turning to the other nurse. "Does anyone know where Mr. Leonheart is?"

The room fell into an unnatural silence.

o o o

"Are you awake? Hey, Squall?" Ellone prodded.

He let out a groan before getting up, and clutching his head. "What?" He blinked a few times before his vision adjusted. God, he had a headache.

"She's alive, you did it." The girl said with a small smile.

It took the brunette a moment to register what she had said before he bolted up, "Take it easy." She said quietly. "You're going to have to wait in line to see her. Everyone's pretty curious about the death-defying Trepe."

She offered him a smile before she got up and walked towards the door way after giving him a small pat on the shoulder. "She'll forget it all. Everything in the dream world. She'll forget it all eventually, you know."

His heart dropped for a moment. The everything he had told her… or lack there of? Would he really be able to tell her again? Maybe it was a one shot deal. He had gotten her back, wasn't that good enough? Something deep down told him it wasn't.

It definitely wasn't.

o o o

And it wasn't that he hadn't intended to go see her… but he hadn't. After getting horded by three million reporters about why she had been proclaimed dead early, or why the accident had even happened in the first place; and after three million (or so it seemed release forms) he was tired. And scared. Scared that she still hated him, still remembered everything she had lost. Scared that he had feelings for someone he had known for the better part of his life that he had always thought of a friend until now.

But now he couldn't get out of he tried; because he was already in front of her dorm, knocking. And despite how much is mind screamed at him because he was an idiot for even being here in the first place, it was too late to bolt. He heard the sounds of the door opening from the inside and he had a feeling even if he had decided to bolt his legs wouldn't have supported his decision by now anyways.

He stood there stupidly at the door while it opened all the while screaming at himself all the while. The brunette debated in him mind silently, before looking up at her. "Hey."

She stood there for a moment for responding. "Hey."

If awkwardness could have been a solid form, both of them probably would have walked into it.

She sighed quietly. "Do you want to come in?"

He nodded before stepping through the door, it seemed like ages since he had been there; and it hadn't been under great circumstances. He watched as she sat down on the nearest chair, and motioned for him to sit opposite of her. "Why did you come after me?" The blonde asked after a moment of silence.

And even though his mind was screaming 'tell her you care!', it never did quite make it's way out; instead he settled for both his mind and his verbal skills could agree on. "Because it would have been a mistake if I didn't." He let it sink in for a moment before starting on new subject because the awkwardness of the situation was starting to sink into his brain. "The doctor got fired." He spit out stupidly. "Turns out he was under qualified, called the time of death too early."

He sighed, silently berating himself for acting like such an idiot. Out of all the things to tell her, he told her the damn doctor got fired! He kicked himself mentally, before struggling to spit something more intelligent out. "I care, you know."

"What?" She asked, confused.

"I care for you." He got out that bit out and made it sound like he had verbal skills like a two year old would.

She forced a smile, but didn't say anything.

Whatever courage he had he managed to force together, just barely managed to get the following sentences out. "I care for you as more than a friend. You're more than that."

She kept her expression guarded before answering. "You're sure?"

He nodded, before looking back at her. "I was an idiot for not seeing it before."

The blonde took a shaky breath before saying anything to that. "This won't be easy, you know. It'll take time, and effort."

Again, he nodded. "I know." He wasn't expecting her to come flying into his arms. She'd need time to herself, to work herself over her issues. But he'd wait for her, just as she waited for him.

And he had time. Plenty of it; and he wasn't going to waste anymore.

o o o

If someone had told him a year ago he'd be going to the SeeD dance with her; he could have sent them to an insane asylum off the bat. But here he was with his old Instructor none the less. And like Ellone had said, she had forgotten her dream world as quickly as she had forgotten the real one when she had been in a coma.

And just as she been back then, she still wasn't a fan of parties. Or wine for that matter, now. She stood calmly by his side while the other couples danced to the waltz. "Bored?" He asked, somewhat amused by her expression.

She shook her head with a small smile. "Just thinking."

He stood quietly for a moment before looking up and nudging her. "Look."

If it was a shooting star, she knew she would probably kill him; but she ended up looking up anyways. A smile crossed her lips. "It's snowing." She said even though the fact was plain as daylight.

Squall looked around at the other couples; they were still dancing. He somewhat smirked. They could beat the rush. "Want to go?"

"What?" She asked, confused.

"Outside."

The blonde laughed quietly. "We'll freeze outside. It's minus seven degrees."

Her companion smiles before pulling her close. "Then bring your coat."

She grinned.

Fini?

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! And as usual I butchered the last chapter. I rushed it because technically I should be writing my World Religions essay I haven't even started it even though it's due tomorrow. However, this gives me a chance to try out the new handy dandy reviewing thingy. Anyways; don't know if anyone got the last reference but if you didn't go back to chapter 8. Eh. I didn't realize how much I screwed myself over with the time of death part until this chapter. Oh well. New POSSIBLE story idea(s), here it goes.

1) Because it wasn't as requited as you thought. Before the angel and the lion, there was the ice queen and the lion. (Pre-Game/Quall)

2) He ran away from his own wedding only to meet the childhood friend he never looked at twice. She might get her chance to show him what he left behind, and he might get his chance to see there's more than meets the eye. (Quall)

Mwah. Might bump their ages up a year for the story, I don't know yet. Oh c'mon. It was bound to show up sooner or later. BTW 101 is not dead. It's just resting. There will be a holiday chapter up soon. Very soon. Expect absolute chaos with mistletoe, Christmas trees and rabid fans. Deck the halls with insanity.


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